Tuesday, November 26, 2013

What am I?

I ask myself this question all the time.  I feel like I'm on a constant quest to define myself.  Luckily I've come to terms with the statement that I'm "just me."  I'm an individual looking to find myself.  I feel like I've found myself for the most part but I'm sure that ten years down the road I'll look back on the 29 year old Andrea and laugh and shake my head.  I don't pretend to have it all figured out.  I just happily take what snippets I'm given and what lessons are dealt to me and try to fit them into the crazy puzzle I call my life, and even parts of the universe.  I'll never have all of the answers and that's fine by me.  The thing that brings me comfort is that I'm starting to know myself better every day.  I'm asked to define myself on occasion and that's what I'll do today.  I'll simplify the complex creature that is me (you're complex, too!) and share the many titles and small descriptions of what I've learned I'm able to do.

The first title I was given by many people I've encountered over my lifetime is "Healer".  For the longest time I didn't quite understand what that meant.  I mean, it's such a broad word to use to describe someone.  I've learned that the word healer is all encompassing in a way.  I heal people through listening and understanding. I heal them by helping when I can.  I heal animals by volunteering and feeding them and helping whenever I can.  It also goes deeper than that.  I realized pretty quickly my uncanny ability to pinpoint what is wrong with a person.  I at first called it a coincidence but as time goes by I realize it's that voice in my head (more on that in another post) telling me what I need to know and how to help them.  I also know what's wrong with an animal and what needs to be done to fix the problem.  I've quickly learned that when someone comes to me for advice my body instinctively knows how to respond.  I've had times where I seriously black out and come back to reality only to realize I've opened my mouth and spoken and have no idea what was said.  All I know is that the person is happy, relieved, and thanking me for the kind words and advice.  It used to freak me out big time.  I also became a healer through crystals and gemstones which also helped to pave the way for using my inner voice and intuition to guide me effortlessly through life and when dealing with people.  I've come to realize that I haven't even scratched the surface of this whole healer thing.  It seems every other month a new form of healing pops up in my world that really resonates with me and I'm slowly learning all the different ways a person can heal others bit by bit.

The next title I was given was "seer".  I'm not sure if it's entirely accurate because I do see things but I also hear them as well.  I will explain in more detail in later posts my experiences, but basically I know things before they happen.  When I do tarot readings I see things or hear things and I'm very rarely wrong.  Call it intuition, psychic abilities, or whatever.  I just call it fun and empowering.  I also consider it to be something so valuable.  I can use this to help people which is my ultimate goal in life:  to help as many people as I possibly can.

The third title I would use to describe myself is "medium".  Yes, I see dead people.  I also hear them, receive messages, and try to communicate with them.  I've been doing this since I was little.  I used to never tell anyone about this because I thought I was crazy.  Thanks to the internet and this amazing place I live in now I am able to confirm what I see to prove my validity.  The dead come to me in dreams, in meditations, when I'm wide awake, and especially when I least expect it.  This is probably my most exciting aspect of myself.  I absolutely love this gift I was given.  I feel it's my calling to help the living and the dead.  I am also able to help bring each side closure and peace of mind.  I very rarely get scared, in fact, I feel lonely and lost when they aren't around (which is very rare).

Lastly, I am a Buddhist.  Well, a realistic american Buddhist.  What I mean by that is I try to be the best Buddhist I can be.  It's not easy in a modern world where there are all these distractions and modern conveniences, such as this laptop I'm writing on!  I actively try to live a wholesome life where I am free of attachments and full of endless compassion.  I pray daily, I believe in a higher power that I refer to as the Divine or Great Spirit, and essentially I just do my best to make good choices and walk a straight path that will hopefully lead me in the right direction.

So this is me.  This is "what I am".  You'll notice I used a lot of quotation marks.  Using words to describe myself and label seems silly to me.  It definitely makes things easier and can bring a few moments that people go "Oh I get it now."  I find labels to be a bit stifling.  I am so much more than those titles and I look forward to telling more about my experiences and how I've come about to describing myself as these things.  Who knows, maybe one day I'll have five other words I'll use to describe myself.  Only time will tell.

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