Friday, February 14, 2014

My Constant Dream as a Child

There are many things in my life that I still have no explanation for no matter how hard I try.  One of those bizarre things that I still can't quite figure out is this dream I had as a child.  This dream happened almost every night and it brought on a lot of anxiety and confusion.  Like clockwork every night I would go to sleep and find myself in complete darkness.  It was just black nothingness.  I wasn't just in a pitch black room, I was in a state of nothingness, emptiness, and felt like being in space.  There was no gravity so I could float freely and often hated the feeling of having no control over my movements.  I'd often will myself to keep my feet firmly planted on what felt like the ground but knew if I moved one inch I'd float back up to be surrounded by the darkness even more.

As I stood there for what seemed like hours I'd finally hear the footsteps of the companion that always joined me in my dream.  He wasn't affected by the lack of gravity and slowly walked up to stand at my side.  He'd rest his hand on my shoulder, put his arm around me, or hold my hand.  A few times I'd look up at him to see his bizarre appearance.  He seemed to be ten feet tall, as wide as a car, and had a bizarre face with empty black eyes.  He always furrowed his eyebrows as he looked down at me waiting for my reaction and then would smile a reassuring smile when I didn't scream or cry with fear.  His appearance unsettled me because it was so unlike anything I had ever seen, especially the vacant black eyes, but he was there for comfort and support so I trusted him.  

Most days, or nights rather, we'd stand there together as I soaked up the enormity of the nothingness before us.  Other nights we'd walk or float for hours hand in hand and in total silence.  It never felt like we got anywhere but it sure was better than standing in one place all night.  A few times I'd find my companion next to me one second and then hundreds of feet in front of me the next.  That was when I became fearful.  Without his support I was scared.  He would wave me to him and silently urge me to come to him but I simply couldn't do it.  Those instances were the most unsettling.

I'd wake up each morning stressed and exhausted after having this dream.  This happened for over fifteen years of my youth.  I've even had it a handful of times as an adult.  For the life of me I can't figure it out, what it all means.  I understand I was on a different plane, that I was traveling in an astral way (disconnecting from my body).  But I have no idea who or what that guy was, why he was there, and what the purpose of taking me there was.  I feel like it was significant and I've never forgotten a single detail of that place or man.  I often assume that there are some things in life that we don't have to (or need to) understand.  I have a feeling this is just one of them, no matter how frustrating I find it.

Thank you for reading my blog.

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