Friday, August 15, 2014

My Wheelchair Dreams

For many years now I have had the same dream over and over.  I dream that I am in a horrible car accident and become paralyzed.  This is never a normal type dream that we as people have on most nights that can be brushed off as just our minds telling us of something that is stressing us out.  This is one of my unusual dreams where it feels like I am living it (just like when I meet with spirits when sleeping).  There’s a different feel to those types of dreams and those are times when I know to pay attention; I’m being told or shown something important. 

Each dream starts off the same.  I’m riding in a vehicle totally aware of my surroundings and then *BAM* just like that the accident starts to happen.  The first few times my spirit stayed with my physical body to feel every impact and injury.  I was thrown from the car, rolled inside the car as it bounced over the highway, felt my legs and body become crushed under the impact, and so much more.  I felt every bit of pain, experienced the adrenaline and horror, and yet I still did not wake up.  Luckily after those first few times I was smart enough to disengage my spirit from my body so that I didn’t have to feel that awful pain every time.  I’d hover over the vehicle and watch in horror as my body was put through such awful trauma.

Once the accident was all said and done I’d have a while of silence and darkness where I assume I was unconscious.  Then as fast as lightning I would come to and find myself in a hospital or lying in the road realizing what happened, feel the awful pain again, and discover that I could never move my legs again.  Each dream would play out with the whole process of my coming to terms with this, receiving my wheelchair, and then somehow continuing on with life with this new disability. 

Each time I awoke from these dreams I would jolt in a panic.  I could feel the scars on my body, the pain I experienced, still think I had blood pouring from my wounds, and of course had to wait some time before my legs would work again.  It was all just so real.  I often had trouble telling the difference which was a dream and which was my reality.

I sometimes wonder if these dreams are a means of foretelling my future.  Maybe these dreams are helping to prepare me for the inevitable.  I honestly don’t know half the time what to make of them.  In a way I’m grateful for them simply because if this does happen in my future I am no longer afraid.  I know what to expect, I know I’ll survive, and I know I’ll continue living my life legs working or not.
A few weeks ago I found myself thinking about those dreams as I was hiking in the woods with my dog.  It was a fleeting moment where I remembered them and then thought to myself  “I wonder if it’s going to happen.”  I shuddered and continued on with my hike.  That night I had a disturbing dream.  I was outside my home in Germany and a king cobra came out of nowhere and bit me on my arm.  It withdrew its head and struck again, this time on my ankle.  In the dream I was so stunned.  Where did this snake come from?  Why did it strike me?  And then I began to feel the venom course through my veins and eventually I died.  It was bizarre. 

I woke up and pondered for awhile what it could all mean.  I have a dream dictionary that I never use simply because I find it to be annoying, too generalized, and too Freudian in thinking that everything has a psychological explanation.  Why can’t our dreams be taken literally sometimes for Pete’s sake?  For some reason though, I felt compelled to look this dream up.  I found “Snake” in the dictionary and began reading.  This dictionary is typically so vague but this time it was detailed enough to send a wave of shock through me.  It said if you were “bitten by a snake, specifically a cobra, you are being warned of an unfortunate accident that will be happening in the upcoming weeks.  The bite is a means to get your attention.”  Cold chills covered my body and I felt sick.  I immediately thought of my wheel chair dreams.  I quickly put the book away and tried to remain calm.

Thoughts of my dreams and what could happen consumed me for a few days but eventually I calmed down.  In all honesty, this may never happen.  It may all just be a repeat nightmare.  Or it could happen and guess what, I will survive and probably be stronger because of it.  I admit the constant wondering and waiting can be tiresome.  Luckily I only remember and dwell on the dream for a few days at a time before forgetting about it altogether.  I don’t really know what the future holds for me but at least I’m prepared no matter what.

Thank you for reading my blog.

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