Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Quantum Healing

A few years back my massage therapist and friend was telling me about this form of healing she had recently learned.  It was called Quantum Healing.  I didn't quite understand the entire concept of the healing but basically what I gathered from it was that the healer not only sent healing energy to the recipient but they also prayed to god to help with the healing.  I could still be wrong about that, though.  She never quite explained it to me!  But when she asked if I would like a healing I happily agreed.  I asked for my irritability and anger to be healed and to help me view my son with more compassionate eyes so that I wasn't so hard on him.  She had me rest on the massage table while she sat in silence with her eyes closed.  I had no clue what she was doing (praying??) so I just laid there and tried to meditate.  After fifteen minutes or so she said the healing was sent and told me to give it a few weeks for it to happen.  She said "you'll know when it happens" in a mysterious way.  I went home and pretty much forgot about it.

A week later I had the most awful yet life changing dream I have ever had.

In my dream I found myself riding in a police car with my son.  He had been arrested at the tender age of 4 for destroying some piece of property that I can't recall now.  I remember sitting in that car nervous but also rolling my eyes at how ridiculous it all was.  We made it to the police station and were immediately notified that my son was being tried and sentenced to the death penalty.  I was in shock.  I kept saying "but he's a child!  He was just doing what children his age do!"  But to no avail no one would listen to me.

I watched my son become handcuffed, thrown in a jail cell, scream and cry for me to help, and starved.  I watched him be strapped to a table as an officer prepared the syringes for the lethal injection.  Throughout the entire dream I was hysterical and just kept repeating "he's a child!"  I had to sit there helpless as my son was put to death.  I watched every second of it until there was no more life in his beautiful little eyes.  It still brings tears to my eyes and I shudder with horror today just thinking about it.

I woke up that morning hysterical, crying, and shaking.  It was horrifying and traumatic.  I remember lying there trying to calm down and then this feeling of love and warmth came over me.  I heard a voice in my head say "Now do you see?"  I sat there with my mouth  hanging open.  Oh, I did see.  I got to experience how much my child meant to me, how he shouldn't be held to such high standards, and that life is fleeting and I should live in the moment and love him for exactly who he was.

As awful as the dream was I am grateful that I had it.  It changed my life and how I perceive motherhood.  I admit I am still hard on my son sometimes but I am able to have a more loving and meaningful relationship with him because I now know (in some weird way) what it feels like to think your child is suffering and dying.  I make a point of telling him daily how much I love him; just how important he is to me.  I will never let him forget his worth and that he is truly loved.

Apparently that was what quantum healing was.

Thank you for reading my blog.

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