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Saturday, December 19, 2015

Lotus Lunation



This past year has been a year of ups and downs and inner confusion for myself. I have always struggled with that annoying question of "What should I do for a living?" I'm sure you've even read a few blog posts I've written on that very subject! The reality is that I am in the position where I don't have to necessarily choose what I want to be when I "grow up." I will never be in the position to have the opportunity to work full time, work in an office, and be a true professional career woman. It's just not in my cards; I have to be a mother first. I'm ok with that. But despite my limitations, I still have passion, drive, and the want to help others through my bizarre talents.
I've made many failed and half-assed attempts to create a somewhat professional life amidst all of my chaos. I've had Luna Healings for years and it was mildly successful but it was never quite what I wanted. My rescue is incredibly successful but it's not quite what I've wanted to do professionally, either. I've taken many courses and read many books to broaden my knowledge and to quench that thirst for something more. I became a Shamanic Practitioner and a Certified Veterinary Assistant in the process. I've even grown more as a psychic medium and healer, which I love. I have always grasped and struggled and searched for that perfect blend and idea that allowed me to consolidate my two loves: my spiritual work and animals. It has never been an easy task. Until now.
I've spent this entire year (Yes, ALL of 2015) praying, meditating, studying, and planning to figure out just what I really want in life and how I wanted to implement it. I was no longer looking to make money, exactly. I was looking for an outlet to share my knowledge, help others, and truly work with animals on the deeper level I know I'm capable of. Tarot card readings are fun and all, but my heart is more into actually helping others improve their lives and grow and to helping animals. ANIMALS most of all. I could never turn my back on people so I had to figure out how to do both without making myself look bipolar (which I probably have already done on countless occasions).
You see, it is a burden in a way to have so many interests and passions. Because when you do, you risk the chance of looking crazy and indecisive. Not to mention, you're almost forced to choose which one you wish to put the most energy into. How the heck do you choose just one thing? In my case, I simply cannot. I love what I do. My abilities (unorthodox and bizarre to most) are true gifts in my opinion. Whether you believe in them or not, you can't deny they don't help people. I've seen it time and time again. I would never stop helping others and putting myself out there even if it means I will look insane in the process. Sorry, it's just not who I am.
I've never really told others that I am able to communicate with animals. It's not something people are truly comfortable with. They may believe I can talk to spirits, but animals? Nope, that's too far fetched. I've been able to feel animals' emotions, physical pain, and pick up on their thought patterns since I was a child. I never understood it until I was much older, and even still I rationalized it away. The longer I've worked in animal rescue, though, the harder it is to ignore. My goodness, is this gift a heavy burden to bear. It hurts me to my deepest core and then to have to walk away from the animal without being given the chance to help is soul shattering. You just have no idea. I've had to deal with the anger, frustration, and heart break that goes with this gift my entire life. Despite the pain, I've made every effort these past twelve months to further grow and learn and expand on this particular ability and am ready to share it with others. I HAVE to. If not for myself, then for the animals. They have no voice. I have no choice but to be their voice. I wasn't really given an option, in all truth.
But I digress... This post is my way of finally explaining why I have been a total mess these past few years. Why I have been all over the place, indecisive, and just a hot mess. It takes a lot of time, patience, and energy to sort out all those passions, emotions, and abilities and to regroup them into something mildly sane. Somehow, some way, I finally was able to do just that. I have deleted my Luna Healings website because it simply doesn't represent me anymore. I have worked hard on my new site. I have rebranded, in a way, and really created something I am proud of and will never be ashamed to say is my own. Yes, I may be weird to a lot of people. Yes, I will proudly admit that I communicate with spirits and animals and can do all sorts of unorthodox (but really cool) things. I'm ready to be at peace and in the position to focus on this one endeavor that allows me to do all the things I want to do in a professional and compassionate way.
It is not intended to be my full time job. I already have one of those (being a mom is definitely one!). This endeavor is my love child. It is my way of expression and my way of helping every being I possibly can. I'm so proud of it I could burst. I hope you will do me the honor of checking out my site www.lotuslunation.com, "Liking" my new FB page (under Lotus Lunation), starting a conversation with me where you feel comfortable with asking me any questions without judgement, and telling others about me that may need some help on this hard journey we call "life." Not everyone is given the clarity and gift of realizing their true purpose in life; their calling. I feel incredibly lucky to be one of those people and it feels fabulous.

Thank you for reading my blog.



Monday, December 7, 2015

Raising a Difficult Child

My life is hard.  Like really hard.  On top of living in a foreign country without family and friends, I am raising (and home schooling) a child who has special needs without any relief or outside support.  Because of my son's special needs I find myself dealing with daily tantrums, regular flip-outs over the most bizarre and mundane things, and embarrassingly enough, screaming matches.  Yes, I have screaming matches with my seven year old child.  Yes, I know it's wrong.  Yes, I am consumed with relentless guilt and vow to stop each time.  I am no saint.  I'm only human.  A person can only take so much and when I know my child is purposely saying hateful things to get under my skin (hello, Oppositional Defiance Disorder!) I sometimes have difficulty not reacting.

Most days I offer nothing but unconditional love.  I mean, I spend every waking moment with my kid.  I gave up everything to stay home with him and teach him since traditional school was doing more harm than good.  I tell him every day repeatedly how much I love him.  I try to cuddle with him, hug him, and kiss him on his head even though I'm shoved away and told "no" each time.  My entire life revolves around my child because it has to.  Unfortunately, my son doesn't like me very much and enjoys telling me so on a daily basis.  Sigh.  Kids, am I right?

This is full truth time.  I make no effort, in this moment, to hide the fact that I'm struggling.  It's difficult to raise a child who hates you and doesn't want you around.  It's not easy to deal with such anxiety, tantrums, and freak outs each and every day.  I am envious of these people who seem to have these picture perfect children who are just so happy with life and love their parents so, so much.  Sometimes I ask my guides and god "Why wasn't I given a happier child?  An easier child?  Hell, a child that loves me as much as I love them?"  Why, indeed.

On good days I am able to come to terms with the card I've been dealt.  I am fully aware that with my struggles my son is struggling even more.  I am able to see clearly and know that this life is hard for him and I was put here to be his mother because I have it in me to give him what he needs.  I was meant for this.  On bad days, when I'm yelling back and acting out of anger and am so consumed with despair that I can't think straight, I have trouble remembering all those reasons and instead am finding myself filling up with rage and resentment.  It's in those moments that I am mentally throwing the middle finger up to all those "perfect families", the moms who don't deal with such struggles, and well, at life in general.  And boy do I wave that mental middle finger long and proud!

Today, I am having one of those bad days.  It started off really well.  Then *BAM* the tantrums and hateful words came out of nowhere.  Everything was my fault and no matter what I did or said I was only screamed at more.  So what did I do?  I snapped.  I yelled, I took privileges away, I sent him to his room and threatened to put him back in regular school if he didn't stop acting so awful.  Within seconds of being done with my outburst I was racked with regret.  And disappointment.  Good lord was I disappointed in myself.  I am a grown woman.  I should know better.  Then this voice in my head crept up and quietly said "You're human.  You're full of faults and that's ok.  No one is perfect."  It didn't make me feel much better but I could hear the truth in those words.

My goal recently has been to find my own inner peace.  It's crucial for my sanity and for my family's well being.  I've been searching for my inner zen that I can grasp at when I'm having an especially hard time.  A few weeks ago I discovered a little bit of that peace when we were on our evening walk.  My son was screaming and freaking out about god knows what and I stopped in the middle of the road in my village and closed my eyes.  I began taking deep breaths and relaxed my entire body and quickly found myself in this deep meditative state that I love where there's nothing in my brain; just darkness and silence.  It was glorious.  My son was screaming and tugging on my arm and repeatedly yelling "Mom. Mom. MOM!" But I continued for a few seconds longer knowing that there were no cars around us and that my son was fine.  He could wait a bit longer.  When I finally opened my eyes I felt better.  I calmly started walking again and maintained that sense of peace until I got home.  It was magical.  Unfortunately, the meditating doesn't always work so I've been actively looking for other ways to find inner peace.  The harder I work at it the more I believe I will be able to control my outbursts in the future and also become a better person and mother as a result.

I don't have a full plan on how to obtain this peace but I'm getting there.  I'm meditating twice a day.  I'm reading good books in the evenings and exercising in the mornings.  I'm trying to refrain from speaking negatively and trying to let my compassionate side really shine.  This website had some great tips I'm trying to put to use as well: http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/40-ways-achieve-peace-mind-and-inner-calm.html

I clearly do not have life figured out just yet.  And I obviously have a lot of work to do as a parent and as a human being.  The point of this post was to vent a bit, yes, but to also show the truth behind my struggles because I believe we all go through them (big and small) and that should bring us closer together.  We shouldn't judge, we shouldn't tell others what to do.  We should encourage, be supportive, and simply seek to understand.  Every day is a new day, and despite the fact that my life isn't easy, I will never give up on trying to better myself and to help my child each and every day.  Even when he's driving me mad...

Thank you for reading my blog.



Tuesday, December 1, 2015

The Suicide Debate

A friend of my sister recently committed suicide.  It was completely unexpected; no one was aware of her struggles.  After she passed away, my sister was left feeling very guilty for not picking up on her depression and suicidal thoughts.  I know it was something that was weighing really heavy on her and luckily her friend gave her an unmistakable sign from the afterlife.  That clear sign gave my sister the reassurance she needed for so many reasons.  Then, a week or two later, my other sister had a dream where she connected with our sister's friend and was able to deliver the message her deceased friend had.  I found that incredible, heart warming, and just plain awesome.

There has been a huge debate among mediums, Christians, and others regarding what happens to our souls in the case of suicide.  Most Christians believe you go straight to hell.  A lot of Mediums believe you aren't given entry into the afterlife; you show up only to be turned away and forced to have a "do over" of sorts back on earth.  The majority of people I've spoken with believe that when a person takes their own life they do not go to heaven; that they are doomed.

I highly disagree.

I've been at some really low points in my life.  I've even been so low, so depressed, that I've contemplated suicide.  I was lucky to be able to claw my way back out of such a deep depression but a lot of people aren't.  The one thing I've never forgotten was the feelings of utter despair and helplessness I had during those dark times.  I wanted to feel better but my brain simply said no.  I saw no hope for the future and genuinely believed the world was better without me in it.  It was terrible, to say the least.  The thing is, I believe my depression was minuscule compared to what others feel and experience.  

I can't say that I completely understand suicide or what a person is feeling to be at that point of no return.  But I can empathize so much.  I think of people who have a genuine mental illness or severe chronic depression that just will never go away.  They have no control over their own brains and feelings.  I think of people who go through awful abuse, rape, and/or loss in their life and I can totally understand that their feelings can be so all consuming and heart breaking that there is no hope in their eyes.  That's why I don't believe they are punished for taking their lives.  Sometimes people just can't take the heart ache anymore.  I honestly can't judge them for that, and you shouldn't either.

I refuse to believe that any loving God would punish anyone for waving their own white flag and saying "I give up!" after they've been dealt a really bad hand at life.  Love is love.  Forgiveness is forgiveness.  If a murderer or rapist who repents can be welcomed into heaven why can't a person who took their own life due to a plethora of reasons?

When I hear a medium say that a person's spirit isn't granted entry into the after life due to suicide I try not to argue (it's their own opinion, after all).  But I can't help but wonder if that's just them allowing their own religious opinions blur their own sight and abilities.  I've seen spirits who passed on in this way.  They are given the chance they deserve; the chance to finally be at peace and be happy.  I found my sister's own friend's attempts to reach out to show that she is doing wonderfully even more reassuring.  No matter who you are, we are ALL given a chance at peace and happiness in the afterlife.  There's no better feeling than knowing that.

Remember, none of us have all the answers.  Even mediums!  The beauty of life is that we are just winging it and have to have faith.  I'm pretty OK with that.


Thank you for reading my blog.


      

Monday, November 23, 2015

All About Your Chakras


I am asked fairly frequently about Chakras.  What are they?  What do they mean?  How do you balance them?  It's really a lot more easy to grasp than most people think.  Chakras are the seven (or eight depending on who you speak with) centers of the spiritual body.  They are located at specific points along the center of your body and are each assigned a color by following the rainbow, aka ROY G BIV.  Each chakra has a specific task, element, and focus.  When that area is off balance or you wish to "enlarge" or empower that area more you may use essential oils, mantras, focused meditations, and my favorite: crystals and gemstones.  

The first photograph tells you where each chakra point is, what its name is, what its focus is, and what color it is.





This chart tells you everything you need to know about each chakra point.  I highly recommend reading over the "Malfunction", "Positive Qualities", "Main Focus", and "Stones" sections.  They will offer a better understanding on what each Chakra does, how to identify if one of your chakras are out of balance, and what to use to correct it.  To use the crystals and gemstones simply place them on that specific point on your body and just relax for awhile.  I recommend 30-60 minutes.  After awhile the chakra point will balance out and you will feel the improvement.  


Chakras can easily become confusing if you put too much thought into it.  By using a simple chart as reference and remembering that they are simply there as your own spiritual power you won't have anything to worry about.  Once you learn a little about them, you might become inspired to keep reading and learning more.  They really are incredibly fascinating and beautiful!


Thank you for reading my blog.


Photo Credits:




Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Smoky Quartz Heals All

When I broke my thumb and suffered from a ridiculous amount of lacerations from the injury I felt like it would never heal.  The doctors were unable to stitch my thumb up due to it being a dog bite and the increased risk of locking in the bacteria and causing an infection.  So there I was with open wounds, lots of pain, and my body's refusal to actually heal as quickly as I'd like it to.

Each time I would go to the doctor he would sigh, shake his head in disappointment, and then remind me to not expect much when it came to my thumb healing quickly and it ever not looking "mangled."  I found that to be very irritating.  While I couldn't telepathically (or is it telekinetically) will my thumb to heal the way I wanted it to, I could most definitely do everything in my power to help the situation.

I remembered a story I had heard from a Shaman woman I took crystal and gemstone healing classes from in California.  She was talking about how she suffered from a serious back injury and how her husband complained of having to share his bed with a giant piece of smoky quartz.  It was her who insisted on its presence because of its powerful healing abilities when it came to broken bones and other serious injuries.  She said it helped her tremendously.  As I remembered her story a light bulb went off in my brain.

I went straight to my collection of stones and pulled out my two beautiful pieces of smoky quartz.  I placed them under my pillow and didn't remove them until two weeks later.  I noticed significant improvements the day after using the smoky quartz and continued to be amazed at how well my thumb was healing as each day passed.

The moment of truth came when I visited my doctor not long after.  He and his nurse marveled at how well my thumb had healed.  They said lacerations like that simply don't heal that fast.  They both asked me what I had done differently to speed up my recovery and I told them.  At first I was met with blank faces but then the more I explained their expressions turned excited.  My doctor said he had never heard of such a thing but he will never forget it.  I told him I never would forget it too.

After my little incident with my thumb, I have come to believe that Smoky Quartz can literally heal anything.

Thank you for reading my blog.



Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Another Life Changing Dream

I had a dream about my son recently that was what I know deep down I needed.  It was painful and scary and awful but it was necessary.  It's no secret that my son has a hard time with every day normal life.  He has some special needs that require I stay home with him all day every day.  I even homeschool him.  We have moments where our life is calm and great.  But the majority of the time our life is stressful, full of panic attacks and meltdowns, and frustrations.  My son's anxiety and other issues keep us from leaving the house a lot because his panic attacks, OCD, and fear of change can be crippling.  He becomes so angry that he often lashes out at me and says incredibly hurtful things.  But you know what, I still love him.

I really do love him.  More than anything else in the entire universe; and I tell him so every day. BUT he drives me insane.  I'm only human.  I hate admitting that I sometimes lose my temper and yell back.  That I get so blinded by my own frustrations and anger that I lose my sympathetic side and simply won't listen and send him to his room.  I always regret it when I do it but I tell myself that I'm allowed mistakes on occasion.  I'm not perfect but I do the best I can in a very difficult situation.

Lately we've been having an especially overwhelming time what with us re-starting school, trying to do a little sight seeing where we live, and just pure exhaustion from never having the help we really could benefit from.  I've been going to bed sad, exhausted, and just so frustrated that I toss and turn all night.  Last night, after an extremely hard day, I asked my guides for some help.  I was losing the compassion I held on to for so long and I needed help to pull that back to me so that I can keep it front and center.  I simply said "Please help me become a better mother."

Within an hour I was dreaming a very lucid dream: the ones I know have deep meaning and that I need to pay attention to.  It was made clear immediately that I was separated from my family by force to work for some sort of militant type group.  I worked directly under some officer and I had no idea where my son or husband were.  I was hysterical, to say the least.  Eventually, my boss told me we were going to visit a children's home and that I would have the weekend off after that.

We walk into the children's home late at night and I see my son standing there.  I fell to my knees and cried as I looked at him and realized it had been at least a year since I had seen him last.  He looked so much older.  He saw me and he started crying too.  I wasn't allowed to go to him so I just stood there staring at him; longing to hug him and talk to him and never let him go.  I looked at my boss and begged "Please let me take him home.  Just for this weekend."  I pleaded and begged some more until he finally agreed.  "Just for this weekend," he said.  I nodded and was finally permitted to go to my son.  I hugged him and told him how much I loved him. I told him he was going to go home with me.  He nodded and looked happy, yet he also seemed guarded and unsure.  I could tell he knew we would be separated once more and it seemed he didn't want to go through that again.  Luckily, though, he agreed to leave with me.

Once we were alone I asked him if he knew where his dad was and if he'd seen him.  He said yes and produced a tiny worn piece of paper that had a phone number scribbled on it in my husband's handwriting.  I found a payphone and called the number.  My husband answered in a hushed voice and I began speaking to him quickly and urgently.  I told him where we were and asked him if he was near.  He was.  He agreed to meet with us at full dark in an abandoned house that was nearby.

We snuck around, broke into that house, and eventually my husband walked through the door.  We all embraced and cried some more.  We were together again at last and then the reality sunk in that our togetherness would be over in 48 hours.  I looked to my son (who seemed to have mentally aged into an adult) and my husband and asked them what they wanted to do.  My son's face hardened and said "I can't go back there.  We need to run away."  My husband and I agreed and with haste we concocted a plan to escape that night.  We weren't due back for 48 hours so we knew we had plenty of time to get away.  We decided to leave the country and never look back.  I woke up just as we were running through the woods hand in hand toward the vehicle that was going to take us far away.

When I woke up I remembered being in that halfway state of consciousness where I was feeling the emotions as they were happening.  I remember being so anxious and upset and I still had the adrenaline coursing through me.  But the biggest thing that stuck with me was how deeply I was affected by the entire situation and how traumatized I was by not being able to see my son.  It solidified how strong that bond was, how intense my love was for him, and how I would protect him no matter what harm came to me.  I needed that so much.  I never doubted my love for my child but I do sometimes need that reminder of how much I would do to protect and care for him; to make sure every need of his is met.  I'm a mama bear after all...

I quickly thanked my guides for this reminder.  They saw me dealing with the emotional roller coaster that is our lives and they knew I needed that experience to snap me back to the mindset that I usually have which is "I will do anything for my child.  All the pain and hardships are worth it because he is the most important person to me.  Without a doubt."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I love my dreams so much.  They kick me in the ass when I need it most and I will always be grateful for it.


Thank you for reading my blog.



  

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

When An Animal Passes Away

Companion animal are so special.  They spend their entire lives by our side, they love us unconditionally, and they provide this incredible emotional support that no other thing could replace.  When they are especially bonded and connected with a human they are even able to astral project and dream right by their person's side.  I find that amazing.

When a person loses a companion animal it can be a very heavy blow.  There is this huge void, an emptiness, that develops in the animal's place.  That bond isn't severed but instead feels even more strong and heart wrenching in the animal's absence.  That's why I think it's important for everyone to understand what happens when an animal passes away.  It will hopefully bring comfort to a person grieving their pet's death and possibly offer some reassurance that everything will be just fine in the end.

When an animal passes away they can do one of two things:  cross over immediately into the after life or hang back for a bit until they have the closure they need.

Some animals pass away and simply go straight through that proverbial white light never looking back.  When this happens they are immediately welcomed with open arms and always cared for by your deceased loved ones.  When an animal decides to hang back it can be for so many different reasons.  One time I experienced a chicken that had died and she was waiting right next to her body until she knew she was found and going to be buried.  Other pets will wait until their are laid to rest.  Regardless of which route they go, they all go to the afterlife eventually.

But then what happens??

Easy.  They live out their days in pure bliss.  They do what animals do best.  They frolic and play and eat and bask in the sun.  They also visit their living human regularly.  They may appear in your dreams (one of my favorites) or you may even feel their presence at random times throughout your day.  They will always visit you because you were their entire universe when living.  They really do have the most beautiful and purest of souls.

One thing I always advise immediately after a pet passes away is to let the other animals in the house have some time with the body.  Animals are extremely intuitive and they understand what death is.  They need that time to understand, grieve, and say goodbye to their brother or sister.  Animals grieve sometimes harder than people.  It's so important to give them the chance to say their goodbyes and for you to be compassionate toward their needs too.

As far as burial plans, there really isn't a right or wrong way to go about it.  Cremation or burying them in the ground; it doesn't matter one bit.  What's important is that you love and respect them and their bodies when living AND when deceased.  Just do what feels right.

 Losing a companion animal is so difficult to experience.  I hope that in knowing that they have souls and are still with us even when in spirit form you are able to feel even the tiniest bit better during your time of loss and grief.

Thank you for reading my blog.


 

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Loud and Clear

I have a bad habit of over thinking and stressing about the future. Ah, the future....one thing you're not supposed to worry about, right?  I know deep down it's pointless to worry but I do it anyway.  My husband and I decided a while ago that he will not re-enlist in the military when this enlistment is over.  As exciting as the idea of being a CIVILIAN again is, I can't help but be worried about our financial well being.  Will my husband be able to get a good job?  How on earth will I be able to contribute to the family when I need to stay home all day and home school my son??  I could obsess about it all day!  Obviously, my brain goes into overload and it drives me crazy.  It's a ridiculous and awful habit I have.

With all that worrying I constructed a plan.  I thought to myself, "Andrea, you know two things: Animals and your spiritual work."  I thought that it was unrealistic that people would pay me to perform readings for them (stupid self doubt!) so I decided that my best route was to start pet-sitting, puppy training, and offer other pet services as a means to make extra income.  I obsessed about this plan, excited at the thought of me being able to take the worry off of my husband a little, and asked my guides to give me a sign to tell me whether or not this is my path.

Oh I got a sign.

I was attacked by a dog.

When people hear I was bit by a dog most people think it was some quick accident that wasn't really all that big of a deal.  Well, sure, it can happen to anyone. And in theory it isn't a big deal.  Horrible things happen to people every day.  But this happened to me and it was traumatic to say the least.  I've never been afraid of dogs but I always had a healthy respect for their abilities to bite and do harm to others.  I mean, dogs are animals after all.  But this instance, this horrible experience, was so traumatic to me that I'm still suffering from fear and panic attacks.  The unleashed dog literally ran at full force to attack my dog while we were hiking in the woods.  Luckily, we had enough time to see the dog was going to attack so I picked my dog up while my husband stood in front of me and while I stood in front of my son to protect one another.  The dog charged and my husband tried to tackle the dog but the impact threw him back and the dog was on me in an instant.  He bit my thumb and tried to bite again but my husband was able to grab him and hold him down.  The dog's person didn't react or act fast enough to get her dog so I was forced to run for thirty minutes to get back home with my son and dog while sobbing from fear and pain.  While I was sitting alone in the hospital room covered in my own blood  I cried and shook from shock.  But then an amazing thing happened: I felt my grandpa appear.  A sense of calm came over me and he told me to relax, that everything was going to be fine.  I then realized that this was the sign I asked for.  A dog literally had to bite me to tell me that I should most definitely NOT be a "pet sitter."  I started laughing because I thought "Wow, I literally asked for this!"  It was then that I realized that I needed to stop focusing so much on the future and that I definitely wasn't going to be going this particular route business wise.  Nope, not in a million years.

It's been a few months since the attack and I'm finally fully recovered physically and mentally, sort of.  My thumb was completely crushed and luckily has healed enough to where I can somewhat use my thumb.  I have lost the ability to fully bend my thumb indefinitely, have lost feeling in the tip of my thumb, and I am missing chunks of skin that will never grow back.  My nail bed is so damaged that I may need surgery to repair it.  Up until the past few weeks I was suffering from PTSD, something that had caused severe panic attacks and constant nightmares.  I feel so lucky that I have been able to move on finally.

All this over a stupid dog bite.  It drives me absolutely insane.

I still talk to my guides and say "Thank you for the sign.  I heard it loud and clear.  From now on I will ask for a less traumatic sign when I need guidance!"  I sort of have to have a sense of humor about this, you know.

Ever since the dog incident I had become completely disconnected from my spiritual self.  I looked at my tarot cards longingly but just couldn't concentrate long enough to connect deep enough and long enough to receive the messages the cards had.  I started to wonder if I'd ever get back to myself again.
Then the dreams began.

At night I dreamed about opening a sanctuary for animals (a goal I've had for years).  I dreamed of my deceased relatives and other spirits who wanted to speak with me and offer love and support.  I dreamed of performing readings for people and healing them through energy work.  I even dreamed of working with Shamanic rituals and journeying.  They were all so powerful that I started to dig myself out of my annoying rut of self pity and anxiety.  I was ready to move forward.

I started a GoFundMe page to raise money for that sanctuary I have hoped for for so long.  I signed up for a Level 1 Shamanic Practitioner class (which has helped immensely), and I'm working with my gemstones to heal myself inside and out.  About a month ago I asked my guides to give me a loving sign to let me know I'm on the right track with my animal rescue and with my spiritual work.  I said "If I'm on the right track and meant to do these things please help the toad reappear to symbolize that message."  The toad I'm referring to is a little toad that used to show up every night on my front stoop that I would sit with and pet.  He stopped showing up the day before the dog incident and I hadn't seen him since.  I was desperate to see him again.

Sure enough, three nights later, I walked outside and that toad appeared out of nowhere and plopped right down on my foot.  My heart jumped into my throat and I smiled from ear to ear.  He eventually hopped around me for a bit and then settled next to my feet and allowed me to pet him.  I looked up at the stars and said an emotional "Thank you" to my guides and I was shocked and amazed to see two shooting stars go by right above my head.  It took my breath away.  I knew right then and there that my prayers had been answered.  I received the sign I wished for.  Loud and clear.

I'm finally over that first "sign" I received but I'm ok with the fact that it happened.  It was a lesson I needed.  I tend to go overboard with obsessing about the future.  I feel such an obligation and demand to have a concrete plan at all times.  Life simply doesn't work that way.  That sign was so necessary and it helped to guide me back to my higher purpose of focusing on my animal rescue, to save animals, and to grow spiritually so that I may share that gift with others and help them to heal as well.  I just have to let everything unfold naturally and to take everything ONE DAY AT A TIME.  I'm excited about the future but no longer worry and obsess about what's ahead.  I feel that everything will work out just fine.

We may not always like the signs and messages we are given but they happen for a reason and I'm ok with that.

Thank you for reading my blog.






Tuesday, June 23, 2015

My Haunted Italian Hotel Room

I went to Italy on a family vacation last week and I knew it was unreasonable to expect to not see spirits while on my trip.  It's not like I can really escape them no matter what so I make peace with that.  BUT I was adamant that this trip was going to be a time of rest and relaxation which meant purposely trying to keep a wall up so that I don't get bombarded by the spirits all around me.  When we walked into our hotel room that first night in Italy I took a look around and my heart sank a bit.  The building was SO old.  I mean really old.  At least 150 years old.  I was so distracted walking up the stairs and through the hallways that I didn't even take notice of the building's age until we were locked away in our room.

Once the idea sunk in I paused for a moment and reached out a bit with my "other senses" to see if there was a lot of activity.  There was.  Boy was there ever.  The halls practically hummed and vibrated and I could already sense a group of spirits forming around our door.  Great.  I put that mental wall up as high as I could and tried to forget about them.

My family and I had a lovely evening sight seeing and eating delicious Italian food.  It was absolutely perfect.  As I became more and more exhausted and tired I knew I wouldn't be able to keep all the spirits lurking around our room at bay.  We finally settled in for the night and I got comfortable on my bed and began flipping through Pinterest on my tablet to kill time while my son fell asleep.  The more drowsy I became the more I felt my wall slipping.  It took no time for the first spirit to walk in.

He was about six feet tall, mid thirties, and he had short dark hair and tan skin.  He looked fairly normal except for his dark hollow looking eyes.  He paced in front of my bed huffing and puffing waiting for me to acknowledge him.  I refused to out of sheer defiance since he was intruding in my room, and luckily he left fairly quickly.   After that only one other spirit slipped in and made herself known.  She at first peeked around the doorway to look at me a few times.  Then she started pacing in front of me just like the other man.  I kept my cool and refused to let her know I cared and she left within minutes.

Once I fell asleep I was visited by over a dozen different spirits in my dreams.  They all had so much to say, felt so much urgency, and so many conflicting emotions that I simply couldn't keep up with them.  They all shook my shoulders, invaded my personal space, and spoke to me in different languages.  The only way to explain what that's like is by comparing it to being in a huge crowd of loud people and you are being bumped around the chaos without being heard.  By the time I woke up in the morning I was exhausted and had a terrible headache.

Most days I really don't mind the urgency and sometimes selfish behavior that some spirits exhibit.  I get it.  If I were in their shoes I may act the same way.  But even I deserve a little vacation from time to time and I was determined to have one.  Do I feel guilty for not doing more?  Of course.  I always do.  Will I let it bother me for very long?  No, because I can't help them all and it's still my job to create boundaries for myself.  That last one will take me ages to master.

I think the one thing that people don't really understand about what I do is that I never can truly escape spirits.  Most days I never want to escape them, but other days I need a little break.  It's tough acting normal when a spirit is touching you and talking to you and you have to pretend they aren't there due to social situations.  I love all spirits that I encounter but sometimes I wish I had the ability to put a time-out on the situations just so I could take a moment of calm and relaxation.

Baby steps, Andrea.  Baby steps.


Thank you for reading my blog.






 

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Why Do People Die

As a medium I am often asked "If there is a God then why do people have to go through so much suffering?" "If there is a God why do people die such horrific deaths?"  "If there is a God why do children and animals get abused and/or tortured?"  I could go on and on.  I never pretend to have the all the answers.  To be honest, I have wondered some of these questions before too.  I especially have difficulty coming to terms with the fact that there really is so much pain and suffering in the world.  I simply can't cope with that and I can't understand it some days.

Luckily, with my spiritual growth and discovery I have learned a valuable lesson that helps me during those constant times of "Why's."  I've realized that there is a purpose to death and I can rationalize why people die horrific deaths, suffer, and/or die young.

The first thing I'd like to say about this is to not worry about your loved one that passed.  Once their soul separates from their body they are in good hands.  They are off to bigger and better things.  They don't hurt anymore.  So stop worrying.  They are doing beautifully.  Worrying doesn't help anyone and it's pointless.  I know that's harsh, but it's true.  Worrying about anything in life really doesn't help you.  It hinders you.  So try to make peace with the fact that your loved one is ok.  They are more than ok.  They're awesome.

The next thing I'd like to talk about is the why.  Why do people die?  I'm told that before our spirit is born into this earth we plan our lives, agree to certain circumstances, and even choose our parents.  We didn't choose these things based on simplicity or to have the best life ever.  We chose these circumstances in order to grow spiritually while on earth and to help ourselves progress even further in the after life.  For example, a soul may choose to have abusive parents in order to teach themselves a lesson that will help them grow.  They may have been abusive and self destructive in a past life.  In order to grow maybe they felt the roles needed to be reversed so they can see the error in their ways.  A soul may choose to die young to help teach someone on earth about unconditional love and to help them grow and progress on their own soul journey.

It doesn't always have to make sense, but in the end I do believe that someone learned something, grew, and improved because of these traumatic instances.

I feel that my own rough times and even the losses of family members helped me tremendously on my own soul journey.  It helped me grow and transform into a more loving and compassionate person.  I saw the error in my ways of being selfish and started calling my family members and friends to see how they were; to be there for them and to simply listen when they are having a hard time.  I learned about impermanence and the value in viewing death in a way that is beautiful instead of allowing depression to take hold of me.  I am able to understand that in order to have life there must be death.  I am ok with that.  

I think the point I'm trying to make here is that no matter what there is always a reason behind the pain and suffering and horrors of the world.  They don't always have to make sense to us but these souls agreed to endure those horrors and hard times for a reason.  Whether it's while you're living on earth or when you're in the afterlife, I do believe that you will find answers eventually.  I know it's a controversial way to view things but it's something I do strongly believe in.  I think it's our job to accept things for what they are, grow from them, and make peace with things that we cannot change.

Simply have faith and you will be fine.

Thank you for reading my blog.



Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Jim

I've been with my husband for fourteen years, and during that time his family became my family too.  I love them as if they were my own blood and I am invested in their lives and think of them often (despite how far away we've always lived from each other).  When I met my father in-law I remember being so intimidated.  He was a man of few words and he didn't even acknowledge I was even in the room.  To be fair, he didn't acknowledge anyone else in the room, but still.  He was a tad socially awkward; unsure of how to communicate with others.  He always came off as someone who just didn't really know what to say.  Sometimes I could almost see the want in him to connect with his son and daughter but then he'd withdraw back in himself and continue in his own solitude.  

It took me a good year or two to get past my ridiculous fear of him and to build my own relationship with him.  I learned quickly that the way to make him smile was to crack jokes of any kind.  I'd make fun of him (in a kind hearted way), poke fun of my husband, and even of myself.  That moment when he'd turn to look at me and laugh was always such a relief.  I thought, maybe he does like me after all. Fourteen years of being in that family and I have never stopped forcing my father in-law to acknowledge me.  I'm sure I drove him crazy.  

I was lucky enough to have had the chance to spend time with him last summer before moving to Germany.  He helped me move some furniture, he laughed and played with my son, and he even accompanied his wife when she wanted to surprise us where we were staying to visit for a while.  Even then I remember placing myself right in front of him and demanding a little of his attention.  It was my way to show him that I cared and wanted to have a moment with just him for a second.  

When Jim passed away unexpectedly last week of a heart attack I cried a great deal.  I cried for my husband, his mom, and his sister.  I cried for my son because his grandpa was no longer there.  And I cried for myself because I was going to miss him very much.  Somewhere along the way we had developed a relationship that worked for us.  Our dynamic was nothing I had ever had but I adored him and loved him because he was who he was, flaws and all.  To think that he will no longer be sitting in his recliner watching tv or playing card games on the computer when I walk into his house hurt, still hurts, and it will take a lot of getting used to.

Oddly enough, I actually had an encounter with him two nights before he died.  His spirit visited me while I was sleeping.  He showed up and I noticed he was alone.  I thought that my mother in-law had died because I knew he was no longer with her.  He smiled radiantly, seemed so at peace, and told me "I am going to be fine.  Just you wait.  I've got this.  You don't have to worry."  I always worried what would happen to him if my mother in-law passed before him because he relied so heavily on her.  I cried a little over the loss of his wife and he sat down on the couch and patted the cushion next to him.  I sat down and he put his arm around me and hugged me.  He comforted me and then we sat in silence for awhile.  He clicked the tv on and we sat for a while longer; completely at ease.  He then turned to me and held my face in his hands so I would look at him.  He said "I am happy.  I am fine.  I am going to be ok.  Tell my son not to worry."  I nodded and said I would tell him and then I woke up.  

I had enough sense to tell my husband the next morning that I saw his dad in a dream.  Then when I had a text from my husband's sister the next day saying "Call me NOW" I thought "Oh my gosh, my mother in-law died."  When I found out I had it mixed up and that it was Jim that passed away I stopped to think about that dream.  I realized that his spirit knew in advance that he was going to be leaving his body.  He knew and he warned me in advance.  I feel so blessed and honored that he came to me before he moved on.  I was able to give my husband (and myself) some closure and we can deal with our grief more easily knowing that he's doing just fine.  

I will always miss Jim, but knowing that he's in a beautiful place living this new incredible life brings me peace.  I also know that we will all be together as a family again, eventually, which eases the pain even more.  

Thank you for reading my blog.



Tuesday, June 2, 2015

My Necklace


I've been asked many times why I always wear the same necklace and if there's some sort of significance to my wearing it.  As you know, I'm a huge advocate and enthusiast for the many healing properties of crystals and gemstones.  Naturally, I try to incorporate that into my every day life.  I have many pieces of jewelry that have my favorite gemstones on them and my necklace is no excpetion.  

My necklace is all baltic amber.  Amber necklaces are very common for babies since they help with teething.  I wear mine to help with my fibromyalgia pain.  I started wearing it in October 2014 and have only taken it off when I shower or swim.  Other than that, it stays on me 24/7.  It has not disappointed at all.  My pain level has decreased, especially in my neck, and it has almost become like a part of the family.  I'm very attached to it (something very common when working closely with crystals and gemstones).  I have no desire to take it off and don't mind if it doesn't match my outfits (if that ever happens).  I'd probably wear it with an evening gown!  

The great part about amber is that it offers many benefits.  You don't have to be a sufferer of chronic pain to wear it.  Here is a short list of what amber can do for you:

-Relieve stress
-Decrease depression
-improve your mood
-Protects you from negativity
-Cleanses the blood
-ease pain
-Connects you to your spiritual self

I found my necklace on etsy.com but you can find them practically anywhere.  If necklaces aren't your style then you can find a bracelet or simply carry a piece of amber in your pocket.   I could talk about crystals and gemstones all day.  ;-)

I'm a firm believer in the power amber and I highly recommend it!

*If you have any questions about how crystals and gemstones can help you with an ailment please feel free to contact me.  I'd love to help.  andreababb4@gmail.com

Thank you for reading my blog.




Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Prayers

One thing people ask me is if I pray, and if so, to whom.  Prayer wasn't always something I participated in but  over the past few years I slowly made it a regular thing.  In my opinion, the term prayer isn't just reserved for Christians.  Anyone can pray to any deity they want.  Did you know that certain forms of meditation are considered praying?  I always loved that.  I figured today I would talk about how I pray and how anyone can incorporate their own version of prayer into their daily lives.

First and foremost, I pray to a few people.  When I begin any prayer I address Spirit (or my version of God), my spirit guides, my angels, and my ancestors.  The reason I do that is because I like to acknowledge the fact that it isn't just Spirit that has my back.  There are so many helpers out there taking care of each and every one of us.  It sort of takes an army and I believe that it's only right to give credit where credit is due.

When I open my prayers I address all of my "helpers" and then start thanking them.  Repeatedly.  Showing gratitude and humility is part of our spiritual journey and I believe it's a great way to show how much we appreciate all that they do for us.  I am comfortable saying that without my helpers I wouldn't be where I am today and I thank them every single day for the many blessings (big and small) that I have in my life.  I sometimes even thank them for a hard lesson that I recently learned because it allowed room for growth and more.

The next thing I do during prayer is address some of my concerns, worries, and hopes.  I may be worrying about money or my son and I simply ask them to help keep us protected.  I may ask to be shown some insight into a difficult situation or something I'm struggling with.  I may ask for guidance on any issue in life.  The one thing I don't do is address trivial things that aren't really important to my well being or something I could easily take the reigns on.  That means no asking for a million dollars, a skinny body, or beautiful skin.  My theory is to keep it simple, humble, and only address the bigger issues.  After all, they all love us unconditionally and they do the best they can to help us any way in their power.

The last thing I do is end my prayers with three heart felt thank you's.  I know there's a significance to the number three in many religions and I also like to just say that one thank you is never enough.  Like I said, gratitude is so important in every part of our lives.

So, when do I pray?  I pray ALL THE TIME.  I pray during meditation.  I pray when I'm hiking in the woods alone.  I pray before my son's bedtime and again before my own.  I even pray before each and every reading I perform for my clients.  I sometimes pray during other times, especially when I'm having a bad day.  I wouldn't classify myself as a religious person but I would say that I am deeply spiritual.  And for most people that are either of those things prayer is a part of their lives.

What if you don't have a deity to pray to, you might ask?  That's so easy!  Pray to your deceased family members and spirit guides.  They're always there to listen and to help.  You don't have to have a specific religion to talk to the spirits around you.  Just start the conversation ball rolling and you will be amazed at how much better you feel.  The power of prayer is real.  You just simply have to tap into it.  Pretty cool, huh?

Thank you for reading my blog.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Every Person is a Medium

Oh yes, you read that title correctly.  It is my own belief that every single person is a medium.  We all possess the gift.  Some of us are possibly a bit more skilled at it, but we all have the ability to do it. It's sort of like the fact that everyone can play baseball but there are some of us who excel at it more than others.  It's the same thing!  How cool is that?!

If you take a moment to look back and reflect on things that happened in your life I bet you can think of at least a few instances where you had something happen that made you pause and question if  it was real or not.  Maybe you heard noises or saw something in your home that very well could have been a ghost.  Perhaps you were visited by a deceased relative or pet in your dreams.  You could have even picked up on random signs all around you like a feather, coin, or an item that continously popped up in your life that you thought "Now that can't be a coincidence!" or "that must be my grandpa letting me know he's doing great."  I've yet to meet someone who hasn't had some sort of experience happen that gave them those little clues of their own abilities.

Most of us, or at least a fair amount, believe in an afterlife.  We believe that after we die our souls go somewhere beautiful whether that's the Christian version of heaven or some other realm.  Either way, why is it so easy to believe in an afterlife yet not so easy to believe we were given the tools to communicate with those loved ones well after death?  That would hardly be fair.  In fact, it's sort of cruel.  It's like "Hey, I'm going to give you the knowledge of where your relatives go after death but you will have no way of seeking out their guidance.  You're on your own now."  Not cool!

Now ask yourself this question: Do you believe that our deceased loved ones are always around us and are offering support and guidance?  I believe that and from what a lot of people say they do too.  Would it be so far off to suggest that they do this because we are perfectly able to hear those messages and to feel their love and support?  Hello!  That's called being a medium.  ;-)

Lastly, do you believe in ghosts?  Most people have a ghost story of their own where they experienced something creepy and were alarmed to realize that things often really do go bump in the night.  But no, just because you saw a ghost or heard them doesn't mean your a medium.  WRONG!  See how fun this is?

We are so quick to reason and deny and doubt away all these beautiful and eye opening experiences.  I'd like to think that whatever deity you believe in wouldn't be so cruel as to not gift you with the knowledge and ability to tap into the other world to seek guidance when you need it the most.  They wouldn't be so cruel as to force you to cut ties entirely with a loved one just because they moved on to another life on another dimension.  Considering everything dealing with our souls comes from a place of nothing but everlasting love would it be so hard to believe that we are all blessed with this gift?  I think it's incredibly possible and very much true.

So next time you think you hear your Aunt Mary talking to you, or your old dog visits you in a dream, or you hear that pesky ghost walking around downstairs again remember that what you're experiencing is something pretty beautiful and special and not at all scary.  Be thankful for this gift because I think that it makes life all the more sweeter.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Finding Your Purpose

As a tarot card reader I am asked all sorts of questions.  Whether my clients are seeking my own personal advice or if they are asking the cards, the questions are often the same.  One of the most common questions I am asked is "What is my life's purpose?"  In my opinion, that's a very valid question to ask.  That very idea kept me up countless nights and consumed me for years.  Not all of us are lucky enough to discover our life purpose early on, thus resulting in years of endless wandering and feelings of emptiness and non fulfillment.  It's stressful to know that you were meant to do something meaningful and that will fill your soul so much but not really know what that "thing" is.  Once I stopped doubting myself and allowed myself to be open to realize what my purpose was I became a much better person who is confident and at peace with life.

So how do you find your own purpose in life?  I think the most important question to ask yourself first and foremost is "What excites me the most in life?"  Obviously if your answer is something toxic like "when I'm high" or something along those lines you know that's not the right answer!  But if your answer is "When I'm helping the elderly" or "When I'm teaching others" you know you're on the right track.

Another question to ask yourself is "If money was not an issue, what job would I chose to do?"  I find that one especially enlightening because even if your job or idea seems unrealistic it will still lead you down the correct path.  For example, my answer would be to buy hundreds of acres and open up a huge animal rescue/sanctuary and save animals for the rest of my life.  Obviously I don't have endless amounts of cash so I can't exactly fulfill my dream with those specific details but I can still rescue and house animals on a smaller scale.  My true purpose in life is helping animals.  It's what excites me the most.

Are you ready for the next question to ask yourself?  I actually have two for you:  What do you like to do with your free time?  and  What topics do you regularly read about?  Those two will give you an idea about your already existing interests.  Often our interests lead us straight to our true purpose.  If you're anything like me you may be overwhelmed by these two questions.  In my case, I have a lot of interests. I love reading about self improvement, tarot, crystals and gemstones, holistic treatments, animals, self sufficient and off grid living, gardening, and SO much more.  Try to think of what's on the top of that list (or the top three) and you may just find out what you're searching for.

My favorite one, the one I find most enlightening, is the question :What experiences in my life have I felt the most alive? Another way to word that would be "What activity fulfilled my soul like no other?"  That one question/idea really answered things for me in a beautiful and simple way.  It gave me the A-ha moment I needed.  My one experience that allowed me to feel so incredibly alive was when I volunteered at a farm animal sanctuary in California.  The entire time I was there I felt so alive, so fulfilled, and just so unequivocally whole.  When you find that incredible feeling, that wholeness, you never want to let it go.  It opened my eyes to what my true purpose was and I feel so much more at peace with life because of it.

I hope that by offering these questions to you you are able to find out what your life purpose is.  I hope that you find the serenity with life that I always longed for and that you move mountains with your kind and loving soul.

Thank you for reading my blog.



Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Shadow Figures in My Room

There are some nights when I simply can't sleep.  I will be laying there next to my snoring husband and snoring dog, sandwiched in the bed between my spoiled cat and dog, just wishing sleep to come.  I had one of those frustrating nights a few weeks back and I became so over the fact that I couldn't stop tossing and turning that I decided to sit up in bed and just sit there with my eyes open and be bored that way.  I, oddly enough, never do that.  I typically keep myself in the supine position and hold my eyes tightly shut in hopes that sleep will come.  But not that night, nope.  I was being stubborn.

I at first noticed how much moonlight shone through our many windows upstairs.  It was a full moon that night and boy was it bright in that room.  The second thing that I noticed was the dark figure standing over my husband.  I did a double take as my mouth simultaneously dropped open in shock.  I don't usually see spirits in this dark shadow form.  I almost always see them clearly or in colorful hazes of energy.  So to see something (someone) as a dark figure is sort of shocking to the system and slightly creepy.  I sat there wide awake and with my eyes as big as saucers and watched this shadow person stand over my husband, crouch down to stare into his face, then stand back up and walk out of the room.

Not even a minute after the shadow person left my bedroom I saw two other shadows dart from the middle of my room into the hallway.  Then I saw the creepiest thing I've seen in a long time.  A shadow figure that looked like a man stealthily climbed up on to the top of our wardrobe and crouched at the top staring down at me.  We had a staring contest of sorts for at least thirty seconds.  I had no clue what to do.  I finally said over and over "Go Away.  You're not welcome here."  And thankfully that worked.  For the rest of the night all was calm.

I have no clue how those shadow people got into my house, let alone my room.  I typically put up my "protective shield/bubble" and say a prayer each night for protection and to keep all negative spirits away.  Perhaps they weren't entirely negative but simply creepy in appearance.  I honestly don't know.  As the situation presented itself I was just so shocked at what was happening to think much more beyond that.  I hope that there won't be a repeat of that situation but if there is I'd like to think I will react a little better than just sitting there like a deer in headlights!

Thank you for reading my blog.


Tuesday, April 28, 2015

The Woman in the Cave



In my little family of three we have a tradition of taking one day out of our week to explore a new hiking trail in the woods.  We love the excitement of the exploration and discovery of sights unseen (well to our eyes anyway) and the fact that we do this as a family.  It's one of my favorite family traditions.  A few weeks ago we were doing just that and found ourselves on one of the most beautiful trails I've ever seen.  The walking path snaked around a noisy stream and when you could peel your eyes away from the water you'd discover sloping hills on either side of you covered in moss.  Literally everything was covered in moss and it was breathtaking.

We walked on the trail for awhile but found ourselves slightly frustrated at the volume of people walking the trail right along with us.  Hikes are supposed to be peaceful and being surrounded by hoards of people is not.  So we decided to veer from the main path and start our climb up the hillside to see what we could find.

It was easy enough.  There were quite a few trails created in the hillside and the hardest parts were picking which ones to take and also ensuring I wasn't going to trip and fall (which is no easy feat, I assure you).  We continued like this for awhile until we decided to start climbing down the hill to explore some more.  Within a few short minutes we found ourselves standing in front of a a cave made out of huge rock boulders.  The entrance was fairly dark and just tall enough for me to walk through without bending over.  It didn't take us any time to realize that inside the cave was a grave.  There was an old moss covered tombstone and immediately upon entering the cave I started gagging at how thick the energy was in there.

I shooed my son out of there as quickly as I could and then I turned around to face whoever it was in there head on.  To my surprise it was a woman.  She appeared to be in her early 30's and she had lived a very long time ago.  Her hair was mousy brown in color and it hung limply in matted clumps around her shoulders.  She wouldn't look me in the face and stood there staring down at her filthy ragged dress and apron.  I could tell that her death hadn't been a pain free experience; it was incredibly traumatizing for her.  I opened my mouth to say something but was immediately interrupted by a little girl running into the cave to explore with her own family.

I let out a big sigh and internally apologized to the poor woman.  This area was just too populated with people to have much time and peace to even try to help her.  I was so frustrated and disappointed.  I could feel her angst and pain and I so desperately wanted to help take that away from her.  I reluctantly walked away from that suffocating cave and haven't forgotten about it, and her, since.  I know I'll be back soon and I won't give up until I've helped her.  This story is to be continued...

Thank you for reading my blog.


Tuesday, April 21, 2015

I Was Dealt a Lesson of My Own

About a week ago I started reading the two books written by Theresa Caputo, you know, the Long Island Medium.  I don't know what it is about her but I just really enjoy her energy and vibe.  Her books did not disappoint.  They were full of positive messages and stories from her life and I learned a few things in addition to having my own experiences validated.  One of the points she made that really stuck with me was when she talked about how our deceased relatives are always around us waiting to help or deliver lessons, messages, and support when we need it most.  It was one of those moments where I realized that although I've said this hundreds of times to people I read for I never actually said it to myself.  What?!  I know!

It has always been a no brainer to tell my clients that their relatives who have passed are always with them.  The fact that they even question it always seemed silly to me.  YET I never fully processed that thought to apply to my own life.  I feel slightly dumb about that, but what can I do?  I desperately needed someone to directly say it to me and that's what that book did.  So last night, after much reflection and contemplation, I decided to sit down and meditate and actually acknowledge my deceased family members around me.  I especially felt like a fool for always missing my grandpa so much and never reaching out to him.  I just didn't want to bother him while he was having such a nice time in the after life.  But last night I decided to be a little "Selfish" and reach out to him and the others.

I waited for my son to go to bed, sat at my meditation altar, lit my candles, and said a quick prayer.  I listened to beautiful music and opened myself up as much as I could.  I then welcomed my relatives to come forward so that we could have a reunion of sorts.  I was amazed at how quickly it happened.  All of a sudden I see my great grandmothers and great grandfathers.  But front and center were both of my grandpas smiling brightly at me.  What has really stuck with me was the feeling they radiated that consumed me completely.   I felt so much love and emotion that it's indescribable.  I honestly don't know what to say about it other than that it was like coming home.  It moved me to tears and I cried openly as I saw my grandpas standing there so happy to see me.  It was the most incredible moment of my life.

I instantly apologized for being so foolish before and denying there existence.  I promised to visit with them regularly and to memorialize them in my home to keep their spirits alive.  After saying all this I simply sat there for a moment as they sent me as much love and happiness as they could.  That very moment restored my faith more than anything else.  I was empowered to know that even if someone close to me dies I will always have the ability to see them again.  They never truly leave.

I've missed one of my grandpas so much that it often hurts deep down in my heart.  To have the chance to reunite with him and to know that he's always around smiling and rooting for me lifts me up so much.  I am able to now ask for his guidance or simply close my eyes and see his face.  I have a new outlook on life now all thanks to another medium saying the very thing I needed to hear.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

The Ogre at Saarburg Castle


I admit I have been a little rusty and less diligent about practicing my medium abilities lately.  I have to remind myself to open up to see and experience things once I walk into a place now.  I guess I've improved greatly on keeping myself closed off most days.  When my family and I decided to venture out to a beautiful town called Saarburg in Germany the last thing on my mind was communicating with spirits.  The sun was shining and it was such a beautiful day that all I cared about was soaking up the sun and exploring yet another new town.

After hiking up a pretty substantial hill I found myself face to face with this quaint castle.  Saarburg castle is not quite a castle, despite its name, but it's ancient, full of history, beautiful in its own rite, and of course vibrates with spirit activity.  I climbed the stairs quickly with my son and dog (my husband lingered behind to take pictures) and I immediately felt many spirits.  Most were residual; they were simply imprints and nothing more.  We excitedly explored every inch of the place and shakily climbed the never ending stair case of the castle's tower (I hate heights).  At the top I saw two spirits, both middle aged men, nothing to really delve deeper into since it was a typical sighting.  I acknowledged their presence with a quick nod and went about looking around as a tourist, not a medium.  This was a family day, after all.

Once we were done looking around we slowly made our descent back down to the main floor of the castle.  It was there that I felt a strong pull to one side of the open room.  It nagged and begged at every fiber of my being and I unwillingly gave in.  I told my husband that I needed a few minutes and he knowingly took my son and dog and walked around other parts to give me peace and privacy.  I hesitantly walked over to the corner of the room and leaned my back against the stone wall.  I sucked in a breath immediately as a strange looking man creature hobbled over to stand next to me.  He was about the same height as me since he was severely deformed.  He was hunched over at a painful angle and his face was very disfigured.  I tried to hide my cringing expression and took deep calming breaths.  

He placed his dirty hand on my shoulder and silently told me that this is home.  He can never leave.  He said this with an air of sadness and I nodded sadly that I understood.  I realized at that point that what I was looking at was a version of what I would call an Ogre.  He reeked of an awful stench that reminded me of raw sewage and garbage.  He only had a few teeth left in his mouth and he was covered in dirt and god knows what else.  I was stunned at the fact that I experienced something so new and also sad for his existence.  I could tell he had had a very hard life when he was alive and he seems to be stuck re-living everything day in and day out.  I honestly was so out of my element that I didn't even know how to begin to even try to help him.  I hope to go back eventually and do just that.  Maybe I can even help him finally cross over.

After my encounter with this ogre man I high tailed it out of there and followed my family back down that ridiculous hill that took us back to the town of Saarburg.  I quietly told my husband what I saw and he was equally as amazed and intrigued.  I love that with my gift I am able to experience new things on a regular basis.  I am exposed to bizarre situations and am given the chance to find a new understanding that this world (and other worlds) are so incredible and awe inspiring that we can't ever begin to understand the enormity of what's out there.  I sort of like it like that.  Not knowing everything makes life exciting.  So does seeing ogres in an ancient castle in the middle of Germany, but who's keeping track of that?  ;-)

Thank you for reading my blog.



Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Frankenstein Castle, Germany



I have been trying to make it to Frankenstein's Castle for months.  It never failed that when the time came to go someone in my house would be sick or other plans would pop up.  It was driving me crazy.  I just wanted to see this famed castle and explore it so badly.  Finally, last week I was able to make it happen.  I admit that when we walked up the steep road leading to the castle I was a tiny bit disappointed.  Castle ruins are always incredibly cool and awe inspiring.  This one was all of those things but they were basically just ruins.  There were hardly any buildings still standing; walls were up but no roof to enclose them.  I will always appreciate any old building, especially a castle, but I was really hoping to have the chance to go "inside" the castle.  Luckily, there were lots of staircases that led to a few random rooms and even a tower that had gorgeous views of the German countryside.  The one thing this place was lacking was some serious spirit activity.  That surprised me immensely.  
Backing up to the point that we walked through the doorway into the castle ruins, I remember thinking "huh."  Not in a questioning type way but more of a dissapointed thought.  I barely felt any activity.  There have been a few castles that I've been to that felt the same so I wasn't surprised.  Nevertheless, I was hoping this one would be different due to it's amazing history.  I picked up on a few stragglers, random spirits that were roaming the place, but that was it.  As I watched my son excitedly run from wall to wall and up each staircase I followed behind trying my hardest to pick up on something.  Anything.  

Eventually, once we started climbing the stairs to the tower (pictured above) I began feeling a little more activity.  The whole ambience of the place changed.  It wasn't an unwelcome feeling but it was more cautious and guarded.  It was as if they were saying "I'll let you come in, but keep your distance."  I passed one teenaged boy spirit on the staircase.  He was pressed up against the wall, eyes wide staring at us.  I stopped, turned to face him, and told him we weren't going to hurt him.  He remained glued to the wall but nodded slowly in acknowledgement.  Then I kept walking up higher into the tower.  At the top I found myself standing in a fairly small room with big open windows.  I watched my son and husband run from window to window to take in the views.  I remained in the doorway and performed an assessment of who was in the room.  My husband looked back at me questioningly and whispered "Anything?"  I nodded and held up three fingers to indicate how many spirits were in the room.  There were two young men, early twenties, and a young woman no older than twenty.  They were dressed in very old timey looking clothing.  They were filthy, their hair was a mess, and their clothes were torn.  They looked like they had been through something hellacious.  

They hovered together on one side of the room, away from my family, and simply watched.  I smiled gently at them but kept my distance.  The girl held her arms in a funny way as if she was trying to protect herself.  The men stood up tall but I could see their confidence wavering.  Their energy was very confusing.  Afraid yet bold.  I made sure my son stayed out of the spirits' way and I wandered around the room looking out of the windows while still keeping tabs on the three spirits.  One of the men eventually came over to me while I had my back to them.  He placed his hand on my shoulder and said "How do you see us?"  I silently told him "I don't really know.  I just do."  I then asked him "Does it bother you that I can see you?"  He replied "No.  I find it reassuring."  I turned and smiled at him and he beamed back.  His eyes were still sad but it seemed to make him feel better that someone was acknowledging their existence.  

Within a flash the moment was over as my son exited the room with excitement to explore the place more.  My husband ran after him and I reluctantly left the three spirits next to me.  I waved a small wave and said goodbye to them.  They waved back and even smiled a little bit and then they were gone.

I didn't see any more spirits throughout the entire place.  It was so open and so a part of nature that everything just blended in with one another.  I do hope to go back one day to help them cross over.  I have a feeling they would be thrilled at the idea.

Thank you for reading my blog.




Tuesday, March 10, 2015

My Busy Friday Night and the 30+ Spirits

About a year ago two good friends of mine decided to open a beautiful boutique in my hometown in Kentucky.  Amazingly, due to bizarre circumstances, I was in town before and during the grand opening.  They had rented a space in a very old building downtown and asked me if I would be willing to walk through the place to make sure there were no spirits lingering.  They also asked me to cleanse the space of any negative energy so that their shop was given the lovely and positive start it deserved.  I happily agreed.  One Friday night in April I made plans to check out their shop.

The day before I went to their shop I had a vision of two men standing outside the historic building.  They were in clothes that seemed to date back to the 1800's and the road wasn't paved; it was a dirt road.  Some of the buildings were there that are still standing today but most were not.  These men stood outside of the place smoking pipes, talking, and petting their horses who were snorting and carrying on beside them.  When my vision was over I realized I was in for a real treat when I actually got to the old building.  I was definitely not wrong.

Upon arriving to their shop that Friday evening, I felt a very heavy feeling weighing on me in the entryway.  Oddly enough, though, when I walked into their actual shop the mood changed instantly and I felt this huge sense of relief along with love and peaceful energy.  It was amazing.  After the initial greetings and hugs we all sat down and talked.  I slowly started to open myself up to see and hear whatever was in the building.  I immediately heard an elderly woman, deceased, who was up above us on the second floor.  She was irate over the state of the building, over the tenants that lived on the second and third floors, and was stomping and yelling like a mad woman.  Over and over she stomped and cussed and made as much noise as she possibly could.  Fortunately, I was the only person that could hear it.  I sat there in a daze staring up at the ceiling just listening to this woman for at least ten minutes without saying a word.  Finally, I looked around me to the questioning eyes of my friends and explained what I had heard.  

They told me that it would make sense because there was an elderly woman that owned the building before and she was known to be a tad bitchy and irritable.  The entire night I listened to that woman stomp and rant but no matter how close I tried to get to her she always managed to dodge me and slip into another part of the building.  It drove me crazy!  After awhile I gave up on her and decided to do a walk through of the entire building.  I saw several spirits, both male and female.  I even saw the two men in my vision standing outside smoking.  There were residual spirits in a room that seemed like a kitchen/community room where a group of elderly spirits listened to a record player and danced.  There were spirits pacing the hallways, humming in the apartments, and some whispering in my ear.  The most disturbing spirits I saw were of two children.  They appeared to be no older than ten years old and had the scariest, most haunting eyes I had ever seen.  They had blood trickling out of the corners of their mouths and they stood at the top of the stairs on the third floor and just stared at me.  No emotion, no anything.  Just dead, scary eyes.  When I started walking up the stairs toward them they turned and disappeared into the wall beside them.

At the end of the night I gave my friends a summary of what was there, who was menacing, and how I plan to help them pass the spirits on over the coming weeks (which did happen with the help of some amazing medium friends of mine!).  I lost track counting but I know there were over 30 spirits in that building.  As we were sitting in the boutique again I explained to them that there were two spirits in their shop but they were incredibly friendly and loving.  One was the grandmother of one of my friends and the other was a friend that had passed away years before.  Both of them were there for moral support and to offer their love and kindness.  They were the contributing factors of all that loving energy the shop gave off.  The feeling was so wonderful that I never wanted to leave.  The last thing I did that night was sage the entryway and parts of the building to hopefully ward off any of the more worrisome spirits until I could come back and cross them over.  

I left that night exhausted but happy.  It felt good to know I was helping both my friends and the spirits trapped there.  It was nice to have an evening where I could just be me and let my gifts take over without worrying about what others will think.  After the spirits were crossed over and the boutique opened the building never felt the same.  It felt lighter and welcoming.  I often find myself wanting to go back to the shop because of that warm feeling.  It's like a big strong hug on a sunny day.   Weird, I know...

Thank you for reading my blog.



Tuesday, February 24, 2015

The Group Meditation

A couple of years ago I attended a workshop on Crystal and Gemstone Healing.  Throughout the day I learned so much about various crystals, practiced healing techniques, and had open discussions with my classmates about how these pieces of nature have bettered our lives.  At the end of that amazing day we were asked to participate in a guided meditation.  The Shaman woman teaching the class set an enormous clear crystal in the center of our small circle and told us it was an Isis crystal quartz.  She told us to close our eyes and then asked us to travel to Egypt where we will go inside a building of our choosing to meet with Isis for guidance.  It sounded simple enough and I was excited to participate since I had never actually done a group meditation before.

The teacher began playing her crystal singing bowl (an amazing experience to behold, I might add), and we all closed our eyes and began.  I sat there slightly uncomfortable at first.  I peeked a few times at my peers just to make sure they were all taking it seriously.  They were.  I began counting down to my deep meditative state like I always do and I allowed the vibrations from the crystal singing bowl to take me even deeper into the meditation.  I began swaying slightly and I felt this intense heat as if I just walked into a sauna.  I immediately found myself in the streets of ancient Egypt.  The heat was so overpowering and I was completely blown away.

I began walking down the street and found this massive stone building that beckoned to me and pulled me inside.  I walked through the open doorway and down several flights of stairs.  The farther down I went the deeper I became in my meditative state.  I finally made it down to the underground area and found this beautiful woman standing in front of me.  I knew she was Isis.

Isis had shoulder length black hair, a beautiful golden crown on her head, and dark olive colored skin.  She barely had any clothes on and she didn't seem to mind in the slightest.  I stood there in awe for awhile and finally I asked her to please tell me anything I need to know in order to grow and move forward in my spiritual journey.  She smiled a radiant and serene smile and nodded.  She told me to stop pushing things so much, to let things just naturally happen.  She said "You have all the tools, all the knowledge, already in your grasp.  Have faith and be confident."  Then she hugged me and said goodbye.

I turned away and began my ascent back up the stairs.  I walked through the open doorway, back onto the street, and made my way back to my body.  I opened my eyes just as the crystal singing bowl came to an end.  I realized I was covered in sweat.  I was shocked and amazed at how powerful and vivid the meditation was.  The fact that I actually felt the intense heat of Egypt and had a conversation with a Goddess amazed and humbled me.  It definitely changed my life.  Plus, her message offered me a lot of inner peace.

I'm sad to say that I haven't had the chance to be a part of a group meditation since.  I'm hoping one day to attend another one or to start my own regular guided meditation groups.  The amount of energy radiating through that room was absolutely incredible.  And it was just such a cool experience.  I hope to have the chance to share that with others in the future.

Thank you for reading my blog.