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Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Loud and Clear

I have a bad habit of over thinking and stressing about the future. Ah, the future....one thing you're not supposed to worry about, right?  I know deep down it's pointless to worry but I do it anyway.  My husband and I decided a while ago that he will not re-enlist in the military when this enlistment is over.  As exciting as the idea of being a CIVILIAN again is, I can't help but be worried about our financial well being.  Will my husband be able to get a good job?  How on earth will I be able to contribute to the family when I need to stay home all day and home school my son??  I could obsess about it all day!  Obviously, my brain goes into overload and it drives me crazy.  It's a ridiculous and awful habit I have.

With all that worrying I constructed a plan.  I thought to myself, "Andrea, you know two things: Animals and your spiritual work."  I thought that it was unrealistic that people would pay me to perform readings for them (stupid self doubt!) so I decided that my best route was to start pet-sitting, puppy training, and offer other pet services as a means to make extra income.  I obsessed about this plan, excited at the thought of me being able to take the worry off of my husband a little, and asked my guides to give me a sign to tell me whether or not this is my path.

Oh I got a sign.

I was attacked by a dog.

When people hear I was bit by a dog most people think it was some quick accident that wasn't really all that big of a deal.  Well, sure, it can happen to anyone. And in theory it isn't a big deal.  Horrible things happen to people every day.  But this happened to me and it was traumatic to say the least.  I've never been afraid of dogs but I always had a healthy respect for their abilities to bite and do harm to others.  I mean, dogs are animals after all.  But this instance, this horrible experience, was so traumatic to me that I'm still suffering from fear and panic attacks.  The unleashed dog literally ran at full force to attack my dog while we were hiking in the woods.  Luckily, we had enough time to see the dog was going to attack so I picked my dog up while my husband stood in front of me and while I stood in front of my son to protect one another.  The dog charged and my husband tried to tackle the dog but the impact threw him back and the dog was on me in an instant.  He bit my thumb and tried to bite again but my husband was able to grab him and hold him down.  The dog's person didn't react or act fast enough to get her dog so I was forced to run for thirty minutes to get back home with my son and dog while sobbing from fear and pain.  While I was sitting alone in the hospital room covered in my own blood  I cried and shook from shock.  But then an amazing thing happened: I felt my grandpa appear.  A sense of calm came over me and he told me to relax, that everything was going to be fine.  I then realized that this was the sign I asked for.  A dog literally had to bite me to tell me that I should most definitely NOT be a "pet sitter."  I started laughing because I thought "Wow, I literally asked for this!"  It was then that I realized that I needed to stop focusing so much on the future and that I definitely wasn't going to be going this particular route business wise.  Nope, not in a million years.

It's been a few months since the attack and I'm finally fully recovered physically and mentally, sort of.  My thumb was completely crushed and luckily has healed enough to where I can somewhat use my thumb.  I have lost the ability to fully bend my thumb indefinitely, have lost feeling in the tip of my thumb, and I am missing chunks of skin that will never grow back.  My nail bed is so damaged that I may need surgery to repair it.  Up until the past few weeks I was suffering from PTSD, something that had caused severe panic attacks and constant nightmares.  I feel so lucky that I have been able to move on finally.

All this over a stupid dog bite.  It drives me absolutely insane.

I still talk to my guides and say "Thank you for the sign.  I heard it loud and clear.  From now on I will ask for a less traumatic sign when I need guidance!"  I sort of have to have a sense of humor about this, you know.

Ever since the dog incident I had become completely disconnected from my spiritual self.  I looked at my tarot cards longingly but just couldn't concentrate long enough to connect deep enough and long enough to receive the messages the cards had.  I started to wonder if I'd ever get back to myself again.
Then the dreams began.

At night I dreamed about opening a sanctuary for animals (a goal I've had for years).  I dreamed of my deceased relatives and other spirits who wanted to speak with me and offer love and support.  I dreamed of performing readings for people and healing them through energy work.  I even dreamed of working with Shamanic rituals and journeying.  They were all so powerful that I started to dig myself out of my annoying rut of self pity and anxiety.  I was ready to move forward.

I started a GoFundMe page to raise money for that sanctuary I have hoped for for so long.  I signed up for a Level 1 Shamanic Practitioner class (which has helped immensely), and I'm working with my gemstones to heal myself inside and out.  About a month ago I asked my guides to give me a loving sign to let me know I'm on the right track with my animal rescue and with my spiritual work.  I said "If I'm on the right track and meant to do these things please help the toad reappear to symbolize that message."  The toad I'm referring to is a little toad that used to show up every night on my front stoop that I would sit with and pet.  He stopped showing up the day before the dog incident and I hadn't seen him since.  I was desperate to see him again.

Sure enough, three nights later, I walked outside and that toad appeared out of nowhere and plopped right down on my foot.  My heart jumped into my throat and I smiled from ear to ear.  He eventually hopped around me for a bit and then settled next to my feet and allowed me to pet him.  I looked up at the stars and said an emotional "Thank you" to my guides and I was shocked and amazed to see two shooting stars go by right above my head.  It took my breath away.  I knew right then and there that my prayers had been answered.  I received the sign I wished for.  Loud and clear.

I'm finally over that first "sign" I received but I'm ok with the fact that it happened.  It was a lesson I needed.  I tend to go overboard with obsessing about the future.  I feel such an obligation and demand to have a concrete plan at all times.  Life simply doesn't work that way.  That sign was so necessary and it helped to guide me back to my higher purpose of focusing on my animal rescue, to save animals, and to grow spiritually so that I may share that gift with others and help them to heal as well.  I just have to let everything unfold naturally and to take everything ONE DAY AT A TIME.  I'm excited about the future but no longer worry and obsess about what's ahead.  I feel that everything will work out just fine.

We may not always like the signs and messages we are given but they happen for a reason and I'm ok with that.

Thank you for reading my blog.






2 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for sharing this story! This especially hit home as my Des was just attacked by a dog & I too worry too much about the future.. I needed to read this! You are in my thoughts & prayers :)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Renee'. I hope Des feels better soon. I can't imagine how scared he must have been!!

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