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Monday, December 19, 2016

The Art of Evolving



Sometimes I feel like all I've been doing is "evolving" lately.  I go from one idea to the next, one project to the next, heck, one action to the next.  And at first I am so enthusiastic about what I'm doing.  But then 30 days later I am thinking "This isn't quite it."  Meaning, I'm still searching for the right "thing" that just causes my soul to see fireworks and hear nuns singing Hallelujah.  I feel like I'm always on the verge of it.  I love to write, so I wrote a book.  I love helping people SO much, and I finally did myself a favor and established boundaries on how I will help people (read about my new services at www.lotuslunation.com).  I've entertained the idea of writing more seriously, as in books and possibly freelance work.  And I've been contemplating starting a podcast and youtube channel a lot lately.

I just have so much to say.

It's a blessing and a curse to be so passionate about so many things.  I love animals, I love working in animal rescue, I am obsessed with crystals and gemstones, I could talk all day about personal growth and spirituality, and I want the opportunity to talk more openly about my experiences with the dead.

So, yeah, I'm sort of evolving lately.  I'm trying to find my place in this world.  I recently did this numerology thing online and it was mind blowing how accurate and enlightening it was.  It said that based on my number combination, or whatever, my personality is very passionate.  It said I'm a person who loves to travel and wander and who has difficulties being tied down to just one thing.  I thought to myself "They nailed it!"  But I don't think my inability to be tied down to one job/niche/thing is a bad thing.  I think it shows how easily I adapt, change, and evolve.

Isn't it true that as we age we are always changing?  I am not the same person I was at 25.  And I'm glad for that.  I don't even recognize that crazy girl!  So my ability to fluidly transition to the next phase in my life, and be conscious of what changes need to happen to remain true to myself, is a damn good thing.  Seriously.

I have always had the fear of people thinking I'm flaky, all over the place, and just unsure of life.  I want to tell anyone that may think that about me that it's actually the complete opposite.  I'm actually really sure of who I am.  And because I know myself so well, and I respect and love myself so much that I am willing to take the risk of looking like a flighty girl in order to honor what my purpose is and how I need to fulfill it.  Our journeys are all different, and it's important to be supportive of others on their own unique path.  It's exhausting to evolve continuously, but it's necessary.

I don't think we can ever truly master the Art of Evolving, but we can try really hard to embrace it and listen to our little inner voice that is saying "This new thing is what will make me happy.  What I'm doing currently is no longer working for me." And then we suck it up and listen and do the damn thing!

The first of the year is going to be an exciting time for me.  I'm going to write more, help people through life coaching, continue my animal rescue work, and start my podcast (after a year of going back and forth).  I'm excited and scared, but I'm willing to be fearless when it comes to exploring new things and having fun with life.

Evolve I will, because the alternative is yucky.  I refuse to be locked inside of a box and never grow and explore all that life has to offer.  And I hope you do the same.


Thank you for reading my blog.




Sunday, November 20, 2016

The Touchy Feely Guy



I haven't written a ghost story recently, and I feel like it's about darn time!  I've recently been taking a break from all my ghosty pursuits but that doesn't stop spirits from talking to me and making contact. My Afghan dolls have been just as active as always; stomping around and having loud conversations each night.  They've oddly become a part of the family and I'm quite attached to them.  Instead of creeping me out, I look at them with fondness and love.  It's amazing how that happens.  I can't even begin to explain the dynamic, but it works for me.

In addition to the dolls and the spirits that already resided in my house, I've been finding myself being confronted by other spirits on my nightly walks.  Anywhere in the world, there are spirits roaming around.  They don't just confine themselves to houses and creepy buildings.  They roam the woods, walk the streets, and get curious about their surroundings.  So it was no surprise to me when I started noticing this one male spirit accompanying me on my evening walks.

He appeared to me as a 40-50 year old man with salt and pepper short hair, 70's looking pork chop type side burns, and very thick eyebrows.  He looked like he came straight out of the 1970's and he was a tad intense.  He was very interested in me and began following me every day.  I didn't really mind all that much.  It's something I get used to.

One night, as we were walking, I felt his breath on my neck.  And then on my ear.  I could hear him breathing and I could smell cigarette breath.  It was so real that I whipped around, fists ready, thinking there had to be someone else, a real live person, bothering me.  But there wasn't.  It was just him.  I thought to myself "EWW" and sped up my pace.

Two nights later he decided to touch me.  He was walking behind me and I felt a heavy, large hand trace my spine.  It started at my neck and ran all the way down to my tail bone.  It was weird and chilling and it was so unpleasant and odd that I thought I was going to throw up.  With cold chills and anxiety filled emotions, I slowly turned around and faced him.  He seemed defiant in a way.  It was almost like he felt entitled to touch me.  Like I was his property.  I held my finger up to his face and firmly said "No!" as if I was talking to a dog.  He flinched a bit at the intensity of my tone, but then smiled and walked away.

Day after day, we repeated the same dance.  Me walking and trying to be invisible and him speeding up to follow me and run his fingers or palm down my spine.  Sometimes he would tug on my shirt or rest his hand on my shoulder, but mostly it was the spine thing.  I changed up my route, switched up my time of day I walked, and yet he always found me.  No matter how many times I said no and demanded he leave me alone, he persisted.

Finally, after two weeks of being bothered over and over, another male spirit came to my aid.  He was very old, possibly in his 80's, and had an air of authority.  He seemed to be related to the harassing man and made a point to assert his dominance over him.  He forbade him from coming near me again, and just like that, my touchy feeling guy was no longer in my life.  It was really that simple and fast.

After that, my walks became more peaceful.  I still walk while anticipating that nauseating spine touch, but luckily, it never comes. Most spirits in my life are pleasant, and blessings.  I enjoy their company and they add a little color to my life.  They become friends.  But just like in normal, every day life, there are always some that are undesirable and not so nice.  For those, all I can do is try to establish clear boundaries and do my best.

What a weird experience that was.  Yikes.

Thank you for reading my blog.



Sunday, October 2, 2016

The Haunted Doll Experiment: Part 6, Afghan Dolls

I am embarrassed to admit it, but I was very, very nervous to begin working with the dolls from Afghanistan.  I just didn't know where to begin, and I was a little unsure of them.  They sort of creep me out a bit!  There was one doll in particular that just kept drawing my attention, though, no matter how hard I tried to ignore him.  It was the doll that looks like it has teeth and appears to be smiling in a deranged way.



Against my better judgement, I decided to bring him into my bedroom one night so I could let him visit me in my dreams.  All that night I dreamed of chaos, dirty streets, abuse, violence, and terror.  It was a montage of unclear images, lots of noise and screams, and just a really stressful overall feeling.  I woke up feeling exhausted and quickly put him back in my office.

After that unpleasant night, I ignored them.  I kept reminding myself that they were there and that I needed to cross them over, but I just kept putting it off.  Then one night the smiling doll decided to visit me in my dreams.  I remember lucidly dreaming that I was walking through my village and exploring one of the ancient churches close to my house.  I realized that I needed to get home, so I began walking back toward my house.  Suddenly, I saw the man who is attached to the smiling doll.  He was tall, very handsome, and dressed in the same robe type outfit the doll wears.  I halted on the sidewalk and took a good long look at him.

I wanted to smile at him and greet him, but something stopped me.  He was giving off the most intense, terrifying energy I had ever experienced.  Alarm bells were ringing in my head and I knew that I needed to run.  I tried my hardest to speed past him but he was faster.  He grabbed me by the neck and whirled me around to face him.  His dark eyes were angry and intense and we locked eyes as he strangled me.  Before I knew it he was raising me up above his head, preparing to bring my head down into the concrete.  Luckily, I was able to stop the dream before the inevitable impact on the sidewalk and I woke up shaking and hyperventilating.

As I calmed down I thought one word: SHIT!

I took some time to really think about why he would do that to me.  What message could he possibly want to convey with such violence?  The obvious conclusion was that he hated me, didn't want to be in my house, and wanted to do me harm.  But oddly, I didn't feel that was the reason.  I opened myself up to make contact with his spirit and immediately heard "You forgot about us" and "We just want your attention."  So it wasn't a threat he was giving me but a cry for help and attention.  I told him his message was received loud and clear.  I explained to him that I'm simply trying to figure out how to help him.  These guys seem attached to the dolls in a completely different way than what I'm used to.  I just don't know how to separate them.  It's as if they are attached by some weird ritual that prevents them from crossing over and being free.  It's bizarre.

So while I research, they wait impatiently.  All three men are making themselves known.  For the longest time they have been silent and chill.  Well, not anymore!  It has been slightly crazy in my house since that awful encounter with the smiling doll spirit in my dream.  My husband and I hear those men upstairs talking ALL NIGHT LONG.  They are having these conversations that we cannot understand.  Their voices booming and loud and never ending.  We sneak upstairs to listen, but we can't understand a word they are saying.  Our cats hear them and run upstairs to investigate.  Luckily, they seem to enjoy the men's presence more than anything.

The men have been stomping around upstairs, opening doors, and moving things, but funny enough, they respect us enough to stay out of our bedrooms and bathroom.  They give us privacy when we need it, but they never let us forget they are there.

Lately, they have been turning my husband's computer on over and over to the point where he even went into my office to ask them to stop.  The computer hasn't turned on (on its own) since.  And just yesterday, I found one of the female dolls lying on the ground.  I then got a vision in my head of the men shoving her on the ground because they don't like her.  They call her a witch.  I ended up taking that doll and placing her in my bedroom so she will be safe.

 The "witch" doll

I assume the activity will continue until I officially cross them over.  I am trying my hardest to be respectful of their culture, religious beliefs, and boundaries.  It's not been easy.  I am hopeful that I will be able to help them, but in the meant time, I guess I will just have a busy talkative house.  I don't mind most days...


Thank you for reading my blog.





Thursday, September 29, 2016

Spooky Book Time



You guys, IT IS OCTOBER!!  Which means it's my favorite month of the entire year.  My birthday, my wedding anniversary, my birthday ;-), Halloween...it has everything I love all in the span of those wonderful 31 days.  The second I notice those leaves starting to change on the trees I know it's time to get in the spooky mindset.  

And what better way to get in the spirit than reading scary stories?

I know, I know.  There are some people that prefer watching movies, and I totally respect that.  But I am a reader at heart.  I get so much more out of reading a book for hours on end, visualizing the characters, and letting it all play out in my mind.  There's something really magical and personal about that experience, which is why I will always favor books over movies.

I have developed a fabulous list for my fellow book lovers to help get you in the Halloween spirit.  You can find most of these at book stores, your local library, or on your books app on your phone/tablet.  Amazon.com is always a favorite of mine, too.

So without further ado, here is your 

Spooky Book Recommendation List

Night Strangers by Chris Bohjalian


Dark Places by Gillian Flynn

Help for the Haunted by John Searles

Joyland by Stephen King

The Shining (duh!) by Stephen King

Asylum by Jon Hardwood

The Little Stranger by Sarah Waters

The Other by Thomas Tryon 

Ghost Story by Peter Straub

Hell House by Richard Matheson

Secret of Crickly Hall by James Herbert

The House Next Door by Anne Rivers Siddons

White is for Witching by Helen Oyeyemi

The Devils of Loudun by Ardous Huxley

Amityville Horror by Jay Anson

The Demonologist by Gerald Brittle


Please comment below or email me at andreababb4@gmail.com with your own spooky book recommendations, and please let me know what you think of the books I listed.


Happy October!



Thank you for reading my blog.




Sunday, August 7, 2016

The Haunted Doll Experiment: Part 5, The Dolls From Afghanistan




Boy, oh boy, I am so excited to talk about these three guys.  When Kat at www.fugitivekatcreations.com told me about the newest dolls she recently acquired, I knew I had to meet them.  The back story is a tad vague, but equally mysterious.  Kat received these dolls in the mail after someone found them on an altar in Afghanistan.  The dolls are made from old wooden spools and actual human hair.  Human hair, people!  They have legit human hair!  No one knows for sure if the dolls were created to memorialize deceased family members or to serve as some weird voodoo type scenario for the person's enemies.  It's a tad creepy either way!

When I walked into the post office to pick these dolls up, I could feel them immediately.  They were seriously that strong and their energy was that crazy.  As I waited at the window for the worker to retrieve my box, I felt dizzy, panicked, anxious, and my adrenaline was kicking in.  All the usual sensations of being in a really haunted place.  The only thing I could compare it to was when I went to Waverly Hills.  Those three dolls gave me the same sensations as an entire giant building with over 1,000 spirits!  I was blown away.

The man handed me the box, and I excitedly took them to my car.  The box literally vibrated.  I felt like my body was being electrocuted.  It was insane.  The rest of the afternoon was dedicated to running errands, so that box sat next to me in the car for several hours.  The entire time, I felt like I was disconnected from my body.  I just felt really weird, and I knew it was due to their unique energies.



The second I walked through my front door, I rushed to my office and took them out of the box.  All I could say was "OH WOW."  They gave me the creeps, my adrenaline was in full force, and their energy was so overwhelming.  These dolls were the weirdest I had ever seen.  One was missing an eye, they seriously had real human hair on their heads and faces, and they wore traditional robes you typically see in the middle east.  I knew they were going to be an interesting case.  I went downstairs for a bit to see  my husband and son, and when I came back upstairs 30 minutes later, the spirits had a surprise for me.

ALL of the lights upstairs were on.  Every single one.  I just stood there with my mouth hanging open.  Then I started to laugh.  I turned each light off and went back into my office.  I had the talk with those men and the other new doll that came with them (I will discuss her in another post).  I established those much needed boundaries of 1. Don't hurt anyone. 2. Leave my son, husband, and animals alone.  3. No breaking things.  As I was laying the ground rules, I could see three men with facial hair and robes standing in front of me.  They were looking at the female dolls in disgust.  They did not want to be placed next to them.  Ever.  That was the first time they clearly communicated their needs to me.  I quickly set up a comfortable place for them on the opposite side of the room where their view would be completely obstructed from the other dolls.

Since that day, I see their shadows everywhere.  Every time I am alone anywhere in my home I see someone standing next to me, a shadow go by, or hear someone walking.  I always know it's them.  They like to keep an eye on me, but they're also keeping their distance.  I've made sure to not do anything too offensive to them since I'm currently researching their culture thoroughly.  It's really not an easy thing to navigate.  I'm starting from square one with these guys because their culture and belief system is so different from my own.  I've made sure to always have the office door closed when I'm in the shower or not fully clothed.  I don't want to offend them.  And whenever my son is in my office, I move the dolls to another part of the house.  They don't seem to mind my son, but I don't want to take any chances.

So far, I've enjoyed having them around.  My house has been so full of female spirits that these three, quiet men have been a nice change.  From what I've gathered so far, the dolls are intended to honor deceased loved ones.  They have a love and attachment to the actual dolls, and they seem very nice and pleasant.  I believe that the reason their energies are so insane and powerful is because of the hair.  Any time there is evidence of human DNA around, a spirit is going to be more present.  And I will be more inclined to feel them.  Strange, I know.

Over the next few weeks, I plan on continuing my research on their culture.  I plan to meditate with each one and make full contact.  In the meantime, I am simply allowing them to adjust to their new surroundings.  So far so good.  I'm bracing myself, though, because I know their stories are going to be incredible.

Thank you for reading my blog.





Sunday, July 31, 2016

Why I Don't Drive At Night



I avoid driving at night like the plague.  I refuse on most occasions to even make plans in the late evening that would make my driving home in the dark inevitable.  Nope, no way, no thank you.  People think I'm weird, and I typically use the excuse of not being able to see well at night.  Sometimes I wish that were the case!

Ever since I can remember, night time (and when I'm sleepy) are always the hardest when it comes to trying to block spirits from bothering me.  I've gotten better at it over the years, but the dead are around at all times that naturally some will slip through my "walls."  At night, spirits come out in droves.  They're always around, but for some reason it's worse when it's dark.  I'm also more tired by night time, so I become more sensitive.

Being out at night is tough because I see them everywhere.  Not just people, animals too.  I can see them staring at me, following me, touching my hair and face.  It's just plain creepy sometimes.  They don't scare me at all, but it used to be very overwhelming, as I'm sure you can understand.  When I drive, however, it's really hard to control my gift.  I'm focused on driving, so my ability to "shield" myself weakens.  I see spirits of all kinds lining the streets, peeking around the trees, and even walking or standing in the road.

I can't tell you how many times I've slammed on my breaks because a spirit is standing in the middle of the road!

While I'm able to discern the difference between a spirit and a living person, it's still difficult to not react.  So there I go slamming on my breaks, my adrenaline kicking in because I thought I was going to hit a person, and my ability to focus on driving is affected.  It drives me crazy.

When I was a teenager, I thought I was insane.  Literally insane because I was seeing people on the road that weren't really there.  I thought I had lost my mind and would have to be committed.  The only thing that allowed those fears of insanity to disappear was when I started reading for other people.  I begged for feedback and photos of the spirits I mentioned so I could prove to myself that I wasn't crazy.  Luckily, so many times, my clients provided me with photos that looked exactly like the people I saw.  Thanks to the good ol' internet, I am able to research people I see and/or dream about to know if they're really dead and actually existed.  If it weren't for those things, I wouldn't even believe myself.

Despite the proof I received, and desperately needed, I still don't like to explain to people why I don't drive at night.  It's awkward and I don't like being treated like a leper.  This past weekend I went out on a girl's night with some friends.  We went to dinner and a movie, and I didn't start driving home until after 10:00 pm.  AKA Dark time.  I made it home just fine, and I even avoided slamming on my breaks, but I saw spirits everywhere I turned.  It was the first time I had driven at night in two years!

I was proud of myself for making it home without any incident, but it reminded me of all the scary incidents I've had in the past.  Being able to see spirits is really fun, and I am so thankful for the gift that was given to me.  But there are also heavy burdens that come with this blessing such as being affected at night, being invaded while sleeping (or just being sleepy), and experiencing all kinds of terrors when spirits want you to experience their passing for yourself.  I wouldn't trade any of it for the world, but sometimes it would be nice to be a little bit more understood and a little less judged.  Especially with my annoying refusal to drive at night ;-)

Thank you for reading my blog.



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Thursday, July 28, 2016

What I've Learned So Far About Haunted Dolls



I, like a ton of other people, enjoy a good horror movie.  Especially when the horror movie involves creepy haunted dolls.  Those movies were my only frame of reference when it came to haunted objects.  Despite my experience with haunted homes and spirits, I never put much thought into the mystery of haunted dolls.  I had never seen one in person and it wasn't something that I was ever contacted about.  So when I got the idea to look up dolls on ebay and etsy, I realized there was this whole universe of haunted dolls and their collectors.  I was blown away at the sheer volume of collectors and the amount of dolls available.

I felt lucky that I had the upper hand in choosing a doll since I am able to stretch my "Spidey senses" out and get a feel for any lurking spirits.  Yes, I can tell when something is haunted just by looking at a picture.  It's totally weird, and I can't explain it.  I didn't want to spoil the surprise too much for myself, though, so once I felt a presence with each doll, I pulled back and waited impatiently for them to arrive in the mail.

I have been very open and honest with you all as I have documented my experiences with these three dolls.  They've moved things, whispered, opened my closet doors, pushed each other, gotten in my face, and watched from afar.  They have amazed me in every possible way.  I, like so many others before me, grew attached to haunted dolls.  I grew attached to the dolls themselves and the spirits that inhabited them.  They became a part of the family, just like any other spirit that would visit or reside in any of the homes I've lived in.  I was able to cross all three spirits over and help them to no longer be attached to an object.  All three were exhausted and ready to leave this world, and I was happy to oblige.

I was also sad to see them go.

I placed all three empty dolls on the bed in my spare bedroom (which also serves as my office).  Every day I'd pass by them and smile, knowing that they were empty and the spirits are finally at peace.  But then, one day, they weren't empty any more.  One by one they became inhabited by ANOTHER spirit each.  I was floored.  I didn't expect that to happen!

As I did a little research, I realized that all over the world many different cultures treat dolls as sacred spirit vessels.  They believe all dolls have spirits attached to them, and when treated like a part of the family, these dolls will offer blessings to them.  They clothe them, spoil them, and talk to them daily.  They bring them offerings, sprinkle flower petals on them, and pray next to them.  It is incredible.  I also discovered that for some reason spirits are naturally attracted to dolls, and often willingly attach themselves to dolls in order to stay on the earth plane.  My assumption is that the biggest appeal is that dolls resemble real people, so the spirit is allowed to feel more like a live person.  I also believe that dolls are ten times more easy to attach to than humans, so a spirit will take the next best thing.

So where did these new spirits come from?  I have no earthly idea.  I've been so busy enjoying my summer, spending time with my son, and traveling, that I haven't made the time to make full contact with them.  I hear them and feel them near me at all times.  I know there is a man (maybe in his late 60's), a pre-teen girl, and a middle aged woman.  I assume they are German or of European descent, and they are definitely not negative.  Well, the man sort of gives me the creeps, but that's normal.

I will be taking time each week to make contact with every doll, and hopefully I will be able to help them all cross over and go into the afterlife in peace.  I will also be doing research on how to block these dolls from becoming vessels for any other spirits in the future.  All of which I will write about in my blog.  Lastly, I have purchased a few more dolls for more practice, in hopes of helping even more spirits.  One belonged to an old woman who no matter how many times she put the doll in the attic, the doll would appear back downstairs.  The others are three tiny dolls made out of wooden spools and human hair.  They were discovered sitting on an altar in Afghanistan and could either possess the hair of the deceased family members or of deceased enemies.  Those I am especially excited to meet.

One of my favorite things about being a medium is the fact that I am constantly learning about the spirit world, discovering new things, and am forced to face the unknown with bravery and excitement.  It is never boring in my house, that is for sure!

Thank you for reading my blog.





Monday, June 13, 2016

The Haunted Doll Experiment: Part 4, Cecily



I saved this third doll for last because she has really been something.  I underestimated her at first.  I knew she was active, but I thought she was mostly timid and shy.  It took her two weeks to fully warm up to me.  I would be on the computer or watching tv and then *BAM* there she would be.  Her face inches from mine, sizing me up.  I tolerated it because some spirits just don't understand boundaries like we do.  Or they simply don't care.  Either way, I didn't mind so much once I got over the initial shock.  I admit I jumped a few times, those first instances where one second I'd be alone and then the next she's in my face.

The most obvious of her features was her fiery reddish-orange hair.  Every time I thought of her I just saw the color of her hair.  It was wild, thick, and vibrant.  If there was any truth to the connection between red heads and having feisty personalities, she would be the poster child.

After those first two weeks, activity started picking up pretty quickly in my house.  I knew it was coming.  I really did.  But it still amazed me, nonetheless.  I purchased this doll from the same seller as Elyssa (www.fugitivekatcreations.com) and was warned that this spirit demanded attention.  She came from the same doomed house in Arizona, survived those two major house fires, and experienced countless murders.  The seller told me that she's been known to break things, especially lightbulbs.  She had picked up on the fact that she prefers the attention to be on her most of the time, and I took that as a word of caution.  The first time I noticed that she was ready to make herself known was when she shoved the Austrian spirit's doll across the bed.

I knew it was her.  I felt it coming for days.  I kindly asked her to respect the doll's space and then let the situation go.  The next morning I found one of the crystals I had next to her on the floor.  The rose quartz pyramid was in the center of the bed when I had left them the night before.  But when I opened the door the next morning, the pyramid was on the ground and on its side.  Imagine the amount of force that had to have taken to move that!  I was impressed.  I smiled and told her so, and then told her that she's welcome to continue to move things about, as long as she continued to abstain from breaking things.

And move things she did.  She wreaked havoc on my office (the room where she stayed at night).  Pens would be on the floor, I would lose things, picture frames would be hanging lopsided on the walls.  The door would be open some mornings when I knew I latched it shut the night before.  It was incredible.  I have seen things be moved with force before by a spirit, but never with this much consistency.

I prolonged communicating with her directly because I actually enjoyed her surprises.  I found them fascinating and exciting.  Eventually, though, I knew she was ready for me to talk to her and cross her over.  She had been waiting for a long time.

When I put myself into a deep meditative state and called her forward, I saw a beautiful freckly, red-headed teenaged girl.  Her hair was a little past her shoulders, she had long beautiful eyelashes that framed her big brown eyes, and her heart shaped mouth was naturally a beautiful cherry color.  She was breathtaking.  I asked her what her name was and she said "Cecily."  I guessed her age to be about 14-16 years old.  I would say she was living in the early 1900's; possibly 1910-1925.  She was living in Arizona when she died.  I asked her how she passed away and she showed me a vision of her being surrounded by fire and her home caving in on top of her.  It was terrible.  I told her how sorry I was that she had to endure that, and she looked at me sadly and nodded.  Then I asked her if she was ready to cross over.

She said "My momma has been waiting for me for a very long time."

"I'm sure she has.  I bet she's ready to see you now."  I replied.

I told her to look behind her.  As she did, the bright white tunnel appeared in front of her and you could hear her mother and siblings calling for her.  Tears streamed down her face and she beamed.  She hugged me and whispered "Thank you" in my ear.  I gave her one final loving squeeze and told her to go be with her family and to be happy.  At that, she excitedly walked through  the light and vanished.  The relief I felt after she was gone was tremendous.  I was feeling the release of her emotions and the release of being stuck on earth for so long.  The doll sitting next to me was now just a doll.  It was empty and blank.

Sometimes earthbound spirits can be misunderstood.  Cecily wasn't a bad spirit.  She was trying to get the attention and help she felt she deserved.  She was begging for someone to help her.  I feel bad that I waited so long to help her, but at the same time, I'm not entirely sure she would have been quite as ready if we didn't spend those weeks together.  It can take time for a spirit to trust a person and be willing to accept their help.

Regardless of how long it took and how mischievous she could be, I am just so happy and relieved that she is finally at peace.  She was truly a special girl, and I know she's living out her days in happiness with her loving family.

Thank you for reading my blog.





Sunday, June 12, 2016

A New Way To Journal




One of the best ways to become more spiritual is to start journaling.  Writing your inner most thoughts, passions, desires, and hopes for the future can be extremely enlightening and cathartic.  Writing down your dreams every morning can help open doors to your inner psyche.  Venting your emotions through writing can help release pent up anger and frustrations that you've been holding on to for ages.  Writing in general (even if you feel like you're not that good at it) can be healing in so many ways.

I always recommend that children of all ages should start writing in a journal to help process their emotions and thoughts.  It's a healthy way to figure life out when it's at its most confusing.  And as people enter adulthood, the need for journaling becomes even more important!  BUT let's be honest.  Most people don't write in a journal regularly, if at all.  We use lack of time, lack of motivation, lack of skill, etc as an excuse to never pick up a pen and write.  It's unfortunate because this form of self expression can lead to a huge spiritual awakening in a lot of people.

I stumbled across "Start Where You Are" by Meera Lee Patel during an Amazon search a few months back.  I was looking for books to inspire me to get back into my spiritual practice and this journal presented itself in my feed.  "Start Where You Are" is a new way to journal.  It is a journal that guides you into figuring out the answers you've been searching for.  It asks you questions that you have to answer honestly.  It compassionately guides you to a more spiritual and loving path and helps you figure life out for yourself.  It also offers inspiring quotes that align with the daily entries.

After finding this journal online (and using it for my own personal use), I now recommend it to anyone who is searching for answers, may feel lost in life, and/or need a little guidance.  In no time at all, this book will have people journaling as if they've been doing it since childhood.


Thank you for reading my blog.





Wednesday, June 1, 2016

More Q&A's!




It's time for another "Question and Answer" blog post.  I receive a lot of emails with similar questions about how readings work, what they entail, what my religious views are, and more.  I thought it would be fun (and possibly helpful to others) to list the most common questions asked, and then answer them.  I hope it will help to clear up any confusion some may have about the mysterious world of soul communication and tarot reading.  Enjoy!

1.  What are tarot cards?  Tarot cards are a a type of card deck that typically consists of 78 cards.  They are broken up into the Major Arcana and Minor Arcana.  The minor Arcana are then broken down into Pentacles, Swords, Wands, and Cups.  Tarot has gotten a bad reputation in the past because of movies and people who use them with bad intentions.  In all honesty, I've never seen tarot cards as being bad.  If a person who only means to use them with love and care reads for you, you are in good hands.  Never have a reading by someone who deals with anything dark.  That is not for you!  Tarot cards can help to offer insight and guidance on a current situation or struggle.  They can give you advice on how to proceed with a major life decision, and can tell you what's in store for you if you make a certain choice.  I have found them to be so helpful for anyone that just needs a little push in the right direction, and even more helpful to someone going through a difficult time.  Tarot cards can also connect with your energy to reveal certain things about your personality and self destructive patterns.  They never lie.  They may not tell you what you want to hear, but they always have the best intentions.  Tarot cards can even refuse to answer your questions and instead choose to focus on a different subject entirely.  That is because they feel their topic of choice is more important in the here and now.

2.  Can you tell the future?  No.  I am not a fortune teller.  It is very rare for anyone to have the ability to see the future.  And even the most gifted psychics can't always control their gifts in a way that allows them to tell you what's going to happen to you in five years.  Instead, we can offer insight on how things MAY progress if you choose a certain road.  For instance, if you asked me if you will have a baby next year, I would ask my tarot cards and then explain that the cards say that if you choose to have a baby, and take the actions necessary, you will have a baby.  BUT the cards will also tell you the obstacles ahead for you such as a non-supportive spouse, money troubles, loss of a job, and so forth.  That would enable you to make the right decision on whether or not choosing to have another baby is the right choice for you at that stage in your life. One important thing about the future to remember is that we all have free will.  The future is NEVER set in stone.  We can change the course of our lives by one small action and choice.  I find that extremely reassuring and cool.

3.  What are oracle cards?  Oracle cards are my absolute favorite.  They are often beautifully illustrated decks that focus on major life lessons.  They are viewed as having messages from our angels, different goddesses/gods, or from our own spirit helpers.  Regardless of who is giving you the messages, you will find them extremely eye opening and full of love and compassion.  Whenever I am having a rough day, or week, I like to sit down with one of my oracle decks and ask them for guidance.  They always offer major life lessons that teach me to open my heart more, let go of grief and fear, and be of service to the world in a kind and loving way.  If you've never had an oracle card reading I highly recommend it!

4.  What are your religious views?  This is a very common question I am asked almost daily.  Most of my clients are devout christians.  They believe in god, in angels, and in the beauty and power of our spirit helpers always trying to help (through tarot, soul communication, or through signs).  I also have clients that are buddhist, atheist, wiccan, pagan, catholic, and more.  I am mostly Buddhist, but I do believe in a higher power.  I am not christian, but I believe in many gods and goddesses exist as well as Angels, Fairies, and nature spirits.  I believe in life after death, reincarnation, and ghosts.  It doesn't matter what religious views you have, I am respectful of them all, never try to convert anyone to believe what I believe, and am able to cater a reading to fit your beliefs.  

5.  Isn't reading tarot cards and talking with the dead evil?  Isn't it against god?  Um, NO!!!  Only evil people can make any thing evil and bad.  I am a believer in god and I believe my gifts were given by god.  I only use them for the highest good.  I use them to help others communicate with their loved ones, see their highest potential, heal from difficult situations, and to move forward in life in a loving way.  Have I seen some not so nice spirits/ghosts?  Absolutely.  But my angels, ancestors, and spirit guides protect me every time.  

6.  How do you perform readings over the computer?  The spirit world and our own personal energy are accessible at all times.  Spirits and energy vibrates at a higher frequency, exists in a different plane, and is separate from our bodies.  When I sit down to read for anyone I say a prayer, meditate, and reach out to connect to your energy or spirits around you.  I ask your questions, find out the answers, and then type everything up in an email.  I then send that email directly to you.  For "instant messaging" readings, I am typing everything to you as it happens in real time.  So it's as if you're sitting right there in front of me.  

7. Why do you charge money?  Isn't that wrong to charge grieving people money?  I charge money because this is my skill.  Some people cut hair, massage, or personal train.  I read for people.  I am fulfilling my life purpose and I chose a profession that enables me to help people on a daily basis.  Performing readings is very time consuming.  It can take me 60-120 minutes per reading.  It also is very exhausting.  One medium told me something really helpful.  She said that in order for people to value your readings, there has to be an even energy exchange.  A medium gives their own energy, time and heart into a reading.  It's only fair that the client repays that in some way (often through money) in order for the exchange to be equal.  Do I feel uncomfortable charging grieving people?  Absolutely! That's why my prices are so low.  Most mediums and tarot readers I've met charge 2-3 times more than what I charge.  I try to keep the price down as low as possible.  

8.  What is your favorite type of reading to do?  My favorite readings are the ones for people who are genuinely looking to grow spiritually.  I love helping people to find their spiritual path, to see their full potential, and who want to live a more meaningful life.  I also really enjoy spirit communications for those that are still grieving the loss of a loved one.  It warms my heart to have the chance to help them heal in even a small way, while also helping the two to connect once more.  

9.  Aren't you scared talking to the dead?  Not at all.  I've been scared a few times when I've gone into a haunted establishment and the spirit I meet is aggressive and powerful.  Those freak me out a bit.  But to see someone with blood all over them, or to see them looking creepy overall, I don't mind so much.  And to talk to a spirit regardless is a huge honor and privilege that I wouldn't care how scary, creepy, or gross they were (or looked).  I know I am protected and I am only seeing them and communicating with them to help.  It makes it all worth it.

10.  What would you say to anyone nervous (or skeptical) about getting a reading?  DO IT!  You won't regret it.  No matter what type of reading you get (tarot, oracle, spirit communication) you will get so much out of it.  Every reading is personal, full of love, and offers a tremendous amount of advice.  I have never regretted paying someone to read for me.  I always get something out of it.  And I always feel so much better afterward.

11.  Do you read for yourself?  I do not read tarot cards for myself, especially when it comes to major decisions.  I find it difficult to be objective.  So I always reach out to a wonderful woman in Australia.  She offers me great insight that I would never have been able to be honest with myself about.  I do read oracle cards for myself, but only when I simply ask for daily guidance.  I find them extremely helpful.  I also have a good friend who lives in KY that reads Angel cards so well that I always value her readings.  Plus, she delivers those hard to hear life lessons in such a kind and loving way that I appreciate so much.   I do communicate with certain spirits (especially my grandparents and great grandparents) when I am missing them or need some comfort.  

12.  What's one thing a person can do to develop their own spiritual gifts, or to just become more spiritual?  I have a few recommendations.  The first is to meditate.  You cannot make any progress without meditating.  It's often overlooked, but it is by far the most important thing you can do.  The second is to start adding crystals and gemstones to your life.  I am obsessed with them and I own almost 200!  I have a special relationship with each one and each one has a purpose.  They all assist me on my own journey.  The last thing you should  do is read lots of books.  Find books that inspire you, that can teach you about various topics that interest you, and just keep reading.  Reading books help you to continue to grow and learn, which is so important in life in general.

*I would love to hear what questions you may have about any topic related to spirits, tarot, metaphysics, and more, so please send me an email at andreababb4@gmail.com anytime!*

Thank you for reading my blog.




Friday, May 20, 2016

The Haunted Doll Experiment: Part 3, Grietl



Grietl was by far my most timid and easy going spirit.  I purchased this doll from ebay for $17.  There was just something about her that made me feel like I had to help her.  It also stuck out that the spirit's supposed name was Gretchen and it said she was originally from Germany.  When I opened the box, after she arrived in the mail, her energy was sad, subdued, and slightly scared.  I made sure to take my time with her, to be respectful, and to just allow her to observe me as much as she wanted.

The first night all the dolls were in my home, her spirit stood behind me as I watched television.  After that, I didn't see her spirit at all.  I knew she was around, but she stayed hidden most of the time.  Within a week, though, I realized that one of the other women was sort of picking on her.  At the very least, she was overpowering her.  The other spirit (whom I haven't written about yet) demands attention.  She had been so quiet, at first, but has now been making herself known.  One morning I opened the door to my spare bedroom to discover that this woman decided to push Grietl's doll down and across the bed.  I was amazed at how far the doll had been moved.  It was pretty impressive, if I'm being honest.  I knew that I needed to help Grietl right away.  Especially since I could feel her nervous energy.

That night I decided to officially make direct contact with her.  Like I said before, her ebay listing named her as Gretchen from Germany.  When I made contact with this spirit, the first thing I heard was "I am not from Germany.  I am Austrian."  That distinction was very important to her.  Then I saw her spirit fully.  She was a very petite, round, older woman.  I'd say she was in her 60's when she passed.  When she died she had whitish red hair, but she kept trying to make her hair look more youthful in color.  I told her she didn't need to hide that from me, but her vanity took over on that one.  She was very beautiful, and seemed very prim and lady like.  I would say she passed in the 1800's or very early 1900's.

She knew she had passed and told me that her name wasn't Gretchen.  She said her name was what she pronounced as "Gr-eye-tull."  She was confused as to how she ended up stuck to a doll.  She died of natural causes (heart most likely), and said that for the longest time she didn't even realize she actually died.  She said it was so instant and painless that she just thought she blacked out for a moment.  So she wandered around for a long time.  Then one day she was stuck to that doll.  It made her very unhappy, and she's been drifting along ever since.

I asked her if she was ready to fully cross over.  Her reply was "Yes."  She was a woman of few words.  I nodded and explained to her how I was going to help her.  I told her she would soon see a tunnel that radiated a lot of bright white light. I explained that all she needed to do was walk through the tunnel so her family and spirit helpers could show her where to go next.  She smiled a beautiful and youthful smile and said "Ok, I understand."  I thanked her for spending time with me and for allowing me to talk to her.  Then the tunnel appeared, she walked through it eagerly, and she was gone.

Since that day, I look at her doll and feel the emptiness around it.  No more spirit attached there, and the doll hasn't been shoved around since.  It's strange to look at the doll now, knowing that there once was a lovely woman attached to her.  I hope Grietl's soul is finally at peace.

And so the story of the dolls still continues.  One doll down, two more to go.  I have a feeling the last spirit will be my most difficult one.  Here we go...

Thank you for reading my blog.



Sunday, May 15, 2016

The Haunted Doll Experiment: Part 2, Elyssa



This doll was labeled as "Bad" and even "Evil" by the seller.  When I first saw the listing on Etsy, I thought "Whoa, she is so creepy."  But there was something I couldn't quite shake.  I was so drawn to this doll, and I wasn't sure why.  I felt a connection to her right off the bat.  I stared at her photo for a long time, and reached out to establish whether or not she was truly evil or not.  Luckily, I realized that she wasn't bad, she was just intense.  An intense spirit can be confusing to a lot of people because the sensations they give off can easily be interpreted as not good.  I was most excited about meeting this doll/spirit because I knew we would hit it off.  I also had a feeling that she would be the most active one entering my home.  Boy was I right!

This doll has an interesting history.  She was sold at an auction with 1,000 other dolls in an 150 year old house in Arizona.  The house had experienced many horrors including several murders and two major fires.  This doll (and one of the other dolls I bought) survived BOTH fires.  When the original seller began selling the dolls as simply "antiques," she started getting emails from the buyers complaining that the dolls were haunted.  After much research, she found out the history of the home and then discovered that the last woman who resided in that house was practicing a form of witchcraft and was believed to have removed the spirits in the house and attached them to many of the dolls she owned.  I find that sad and a tad scary.  Those poor souls.  I felt even more compassion for the two dolls I purchased from www.FugitiveKatCreations.com because they had been through so much together, and they deserved to finally have peace.

The day she arrived, I set her gently on a cushion in my room.  I placed a channeling crystal next to her, and I meditated.  I placed myself into a deep meditative state and asked for this particular spirit to come forward.  Within seconds I saw a woman sit down in front of me.  She was very thin, and had extremely long black hair.  Her hair was covering her face and she wore filthy underclothes, as if her dress was ripped off of her.  She appeared to be in her early twenties and I would say she was alive in the late 1700's.  Her appearance in general reminded me of the girl in The Ring.  Creepy, haunted, but mostly sad.  I could immediately tell she was desperate for acknowledgement and help.

We sat across one another and I silently gave her time to get used to me.  Much to my surprise, she projected her name to me: Elyssa and then sat quietly some more. We lightly smiled at each other and then she got up and walked away.  Later that night I saw her with the other spirits standing behind me and sizing me up.  I liked her instantly.

The next night she whispered in my ear while I was waiting to drift off to sleep.  She quietly said "Thank you" and "Good night".

That night she visited me in my dreams.

A lot of people don't realize that everyone has the ability to see and communicate with spirits.  The easiest way is through our dreams.  I can guarantee a huge amount of people have seen their dead relatives in their dreams.  I am always happy to let them know that their dream was real, that they actually communicated and visited with that spirit.  I take my dreams very seriously.  Sure, I have the occasional weird dream that was just my subconscious piecing together my thoughts from the day.  But most of the time I am spending my nights traveling, visiting other worlds, and my favorite of all, talking with spirits.  I told all the women in my home that they had my permission to visit me in my dreams.  I was thrilled that Elyssa took me up on my offer.  She decided to show me how she died.

She was kept at a boarding school of sorts in the middle of the woods in what appeared to be England in the 1700's.  She seemed too old to be a student, but was somehow kept prisoner there for some reason.  I sat next to her as the headmistress whipped and abused the other girls.  I could feel Elyssa tremble and close in on herself beside me.  When the headmistress was done with her punishments, she called a younger man to come and take the girls back to their rooms.  When the woman turned her back to her wards, Elyssa lightly touched my hand and looked deeply into my eyes.  I heard "Follow me, and be quiet" and then she stood up.  I followed her as she stealthily creeped away from the group and slipped through the door leading outside.  When the door was closed behind us, I started to take in our surroundings.

The woods were so thick and untouched.  I had never seen a forest so beautiful.  We immediately began running down a dirt trail.  We ran for what seemed like hours.  Over time our clothes were ripped and our hair was matted and messy.  The trail eventually led to a road and as we began to get tired we heard people behind us yelling and running.  The staff had caught on that Elyssa had run away.  She grabbed my hand and we climbed up a steep hill to hide behind a few large tree trunks.  Several people on horses rode by, and I thought we were in the clear.  But then I heard a soft clip clop of a single rider making his way back to where we were.

I stole a quick peek around the enormous trunk and saw a young man staring right back at me.  I turned to Elyssa and saw her sitting there breathing heavily with her eyes closed.  She was praying.  Within seconds the man was standing face to face with her and he grabbed the hair on the back of her head.  I expected him to yell, to alert everyone that he had found her.  But he didn't.  He seemed sad, angry, but mostly regretful.  He looked deeply into her eyes and said "This is for your own good.  It's the only way you'll be free."   Elyssa nodded and the man pulled out a small dagger.  Tears ran down both of their faces and he whispered "I'm so sorry" as he stabbed her in the heart.

She died quickly.  But her spirit didn't pass through the bright light that was presented before her.  Instead, she chose to wander the woods for what could possibly be eternity.

I woke up a while later, after spending some time roaming the woods together.

When I sat up I saw Elyssa (not the doll, but the spirit) sitting next to me.  We smiled at each other and both finally fully understood one another.  She seemed really relieved, and at peace in a way.

Since that night, she has watched over me as I sleep.  She sits on the floor and just quietly watches me.  My dog doesn't like it at all, and refuses to look at her, but my cats adore her.  They cuddle with the doll and want to sit in the same spot that her spirit is.  She whispers to me every night, and I can hear her walking during the day.  Pacing up stairs, tapping her foot as she sits and thinks, and I can hear her sigh in what sounds like relief.  To be silly she opens my closet doors each night so that I can wake up in the morning and see her handiwork.  I told her it reminds me of the movie The Poltergeist, and she finds that amusing.

We have been working on building a relationship that is built on trust.  To help a spirit fully, and to completely cross them over after being earthbound and attached to an object for so long is not an easy feat.  I've been spending a lot of time with her, observing her, and allowing her all the time she needs to get used to my presence.  Eventually I will help her to fully cross over and be at peace.  In the meantime, though, I will continue to enjoy her company.

Her story will continue in other blog posts in the future.

Thank you for reading my blog,

*Part 3 where I discuss the second doll will be published next week.







Monday, May 9, 2016

The Haunted Doll Experiment: Part 1



My best friend recently shared an article on my Facebook page about a haunted doll.  The article itself wasn't too memorable, but for some reason, I couldn't shake the concept of dolls that were haunted.  I know that spirits can become attached to objects (Um, hello, houses!) but I never really put any serious thought into the idea of dolls that had spirits attached to them.

On the same day that my friend shared that article, I sat down and started searching online for haunted dolls.  I mostly browsed Ebay and Etsy, and was shocked and amazed that there were so many dolls for sale that were supposedly haunted.  I mean, it was clear which ones were to be taken more seriously, and ones that definitely were not.  (I even saw a listing for a "haunted Sonic Cup" that made my giggle far too long).  There were a handful of dolls, however, that really stood out.  I couldn't stop looking at them!

Throughout the day I just couldn't shake the idea of haunted dolls.  Why would a spirit attach themselves to a doll?  Are the spirits actually able to manipulate the dolls into moving?  Are these spirits lost souls?  Could I help them?  These are just a small bit of the questions that ran through my head.  One thing was certain, though, as I found myself sitting back down later that evening in front of my computer, I had to buy one and see for myself.

I was transfixed.  Intrigued.  Slightly afraid.  Nervous.  Excited.  And most of all, oddly obsessed.

I ended up buying not one, not two, but three dolls.  Three.  I bought three haunted dolls!  I mean, what the heck is wrong with me?!

When I went to bed that night, I was filled with regret and anxiety.  I felt stupid and guilty for buying them.  I was slightly afraid of the "what ifs" that these dolls/spirits were capable of.  I was just anxious in general.  But there was no going back, and I admit, despite the anxiety I was actually excited to meet them.

In the following week that it took for each doll to arrive, I experienced a full range of emotions.  I just couldn't understand why I had become so obsessed with these three dolls.  It was as if something came over me and manipulated my mind.  I HAD to have them.  I've never had that happen before, so it made me nervous.  I remember looking at each Doll's listing online over and over.  As I stared into their faces something clicked.  I knew I was meant to meet them.  I wasn't sure if they wanted my help, but I was willing to try.  I told myself it was good practice, that I was doing them a great service, but I wasn't kidding myself when it came down to it.  I was just plain curious.  I have always had a bizarre fascination with the unknown and the scary.  I have always had a tendency to seek out haunted houses, play with a Ouija board, and put myself in situations that would thrill me.  Is that unhealthy?  I'm sure it is, but now that I'm older, I appreciate that inquisitive side of myself.

As I was waiting for the dolls to arrive, the weirdest thing happened.  I began viewing them not as objects, but as people.  To me their were spirits, fully intelligent people, that just happened to be attached to a doll.  I could feel their presence before they even arrived.  All week I knew they would be delivered on Friday, and sure enough, when I went to the post office, they were there waiting for me.

When I picked the dolls up at the post office, I was filled with nerves.  The boxes literally vibrated and hummed.  I felt nothing negative, just the familiar hum and energy of a spirit being present.  I was extremely careful with the boxes, and when I walked inside my home, I took the boxes and ran up to my office to open them.  As I slid the knife through the tape in each box, the energy intensified. I was so excited.

Once each doll was unwrapped and placed on my desk, I mentally spoke to them.  I greeted them, introduced myself, told them how honored I was to meet them, and then started setting some major ground rules: no breaking things, no harming my son, animals, husband, or myself, and no negative activity.  I asked them to keep it positive, and with that, they had my permission to move around the house, make noises, and move things.  Just as long as they don't do it to be mean.  I told them I would like for them to get to know me, and for me to know them, and that I would like to build a relationship with them.  As I mentally spoke to them, I could feel them (all women) perk up with interest.

I eventually placed them in my bedroom next to a few crystals that I thought they would enjoy.  Later that night, after my son was asleep and my husband was at work, I sat on the couch watching television.  It didn't take long for me to feel the women coming down the stairs.  All three of them stood behind me, watching my every move, and I smiled at them and went back to my show.  They were respecting my boundaries, and I was allowing them to get used to my presence, energy, and home.  More than anything, I found them comforting.

I have been spending a lot of time meditating with each woman, communicating with them, dreaming about them, and observing their clear displays of trying to get my attention.  It has been wonderful and educational.  I already feel as if these three women are a part of my family.  Weird, I know.

Over a short time, I have been slowly writing a separate blog post for each of the three women/dolls.  One in particular is extra mischievous and likes to visit me in my dreams, open my closet doors, and whisper in my ear.  Just this morning I woke up to find all four of my closet doors wide open.  Oddly, it made me smile.  My house has been harmonious, not scary, and full of charged energy that I can only describe as happy.  These women seem content to be here, and I find that to be so humbling.

So please stay tuned to hear about Gretchen, the elderly German woman, Elyssa, the 20-something spitfire, and the unnamed red-head who is extremely shy, and find out their full histories.  I think you will enjoy what I have to say about each one.  *Pictures will be included ;-)

If you haven't already, please enter your email and click the button labeled "Follow by email" in the top left hand corner of the page, so that you will receive updates when I add a new blog post.  And please feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Thank you for reading my blog.


**My dolls were bought from two shops.  Elyssa and the Red-head were bought from www.fugitivekatcreations.com/www.etsy.com/shop/fugitivekatcreations and Gretchen was purchased from CuriousImports on www.eBay.com





Friday, April 22, 2016

The Violent Man in Hohenbaden Castle





Visiting castles in Germany is one of my favorite things.  There's nothing more awe inspiring than standing inside an ancient castle and imagining what those walls have seen in their lifetime.  Most of the castles I visit are in ruins, which for some reason add to the appeal.  They all have so much energy, and so many spirits residing in them, that the places all seem to vibrate and hum.  When we pull up to a new site, I can always feel that vibration.  I can hear the spirits whispering and murmuring.  And I can see many eyes assessing me and my family as we walk toward their home.

Hohenbaden Castle, located in Baden-Baden, Germany, was one of the most memorable castles I've seen to date.   The ruins are massive, the castle itself was beautiful, and it had a special feature that was new to me: A dungeon.  Well, I'm assuming that's what it was.  The stairs we took went underground and inside it was dark and so thick with energy I could barely breathe.

The dungeon was a large room with a series of stalls that lined the right side of the wall.  I believe there were five stalls in all.  I could already pick up on the spirits in those spaces and asked my husband to take our son to explore while I did my own version of exploring.

I started with the first stall, the closest to the stairs.  I closed my eyes and immediately saw a woman close to my age cowering in the corner.  She was shaking and terrified and appeared to have been beaten.  Her old dress was stained and torn.  Her face was covered in blood and bruises.  Her bloody, scraped hands covered her frightened face.  She wasn't afraid of me, but of someone else hiding in one of the other stalls.  Great.

I braced myself and entered the second stall.  No one there.  The third stall: Bingo!  I call this man "The Rapist."  He was disgusting and awful and so, so violent.  It has been a year since I stepped foot in that dungeon and I still feel sick when I think of him.  He had long, dark stringy hair that covered his face.  His eyes appeared black and hollow.  He was well over 6 ft in height, and he was very muscular.  He looked like he had a very tough profession when living. 

 I let out a slow breath and waited for him to react to my presence.

He was clearly not happy that I was in his space.  He called me a whore, spat at my feet, and towered over me.  I stood my ground, knowing that he wasn't powerful enough to actually inflict harm.  He yelled, threatened to rape me like the "slut in the first stall", and then tried to physically assault me.  He grabbed at my hair to pull my head back.  He punched at my face.  He tried to rip my clothes off of my body.  But then he was so confused as to why he wasn't able to actually touch me.  That seemed to enrage him even more.  He unleashed another series of attacks on me, all of which luckily had zero effect.  He eventually gave up, but not without showing me in a vision of what he would have done to me if he could.  That man was revolting and he sucked all the energy he could out of me.  I was exhausted and very angry by the time I left his space.  And I admit that I was shaken.

I could feel four other women in that dungeon with me; all were that man's victims.  It was sad because after my encounter with him I could see why they looked and felt the way they did.  It was horrible, and sad, and I couldn't take it anymore.  I used every ounce of energy I had to cross each and every woman over fully into the after life.  They walked through the bright light with so much relief that I couldn't help but smile.  

The disgusting man was standing in the doorway of his stall watching the whole time with a look of fear and awe in his face.  He appeared to be afraid of me now, and I even heard the word "witch" come from his mind.  When I was done helping his victims I turned to face him head on.  I smiled my brightest smile and told him "Now you can rot in here alone.  Utterly, and completely alone."  Then I spat at his feet and walked out of that dungeon forever.

And it felt good.

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Friday, April 15, 2016

What Being an Empath Is Like...




I typically talk about what it's like communicating with spirits, but today I wanted to talk about what it's like to be an Empath.  An Empath is someone who is not only sensitive to other people's energy, but they can also feel other people's emotions and sometimes their physical pain.  I have been an empath all of my life.  It has always been a struggle for me because I found it difficult to find the necessary balance to sanely survive such a thing.  Over the years, thankfully, I have learned to properly cope with this part of my life.  So how does it work for me?  Well, I will tell you :-)

My empathic abilities come in a few different ways:

1. I can feel the emotions and energies of the living.  Large crowds, parties, arguments, funerals, these are just a few things I will try to avoid at all costs.  Large crowds and parties are overwhelming because that's a lot of emotions to be feeling at one time.  It causes me a tremendous amount of anxiety.  I become nervous, anxious, sad, happy, confused, hyper, and more.  It's an emotional roller coaster.  I don't like being around angry people or people that are in a heated debate because then I become stressed and angry myself.  It also annoys me to no end because those are emotions I would rather not feel when they aren't my own.  Funerals are the WORST.  All that sadness and melancholia and doom and gloom.  It's unbearable.  Now, think about feeling your own feelings and then having to constantly deflect everyone else's emotions.  And THEN, add the extra part of seeing and hearing all the spirits around each person.  No wonder I come off as crazy and weird....

2. I can feel the emotions and pain of the dead.  I can hear, see, and feel spirits.  But I can also absorb and experience their emotions.  I can also feel how they died.  When I am communicating with the dead I can immediately tell if they are happy, sad, confused, or angry.  Once I am able to identify the spirit in some way and also take note of their current emotional state, I then begin to feel how they died.  I've seen in a few rare cases the results of their passing.  Especially when it entailed a gunshot wound.  Most people that have passed on don't exhibit outward signs of their passing, though.  So leave it up to me to feel how they died.  Unpleasant, right?  Oh it is.  I have felt stabbing pains throughout my body.  Head pains mean tumor or some kind of trauma.  Chest pain means heart attack.  Other spots, and the severity of the pain, can mean gun shot or cancer.  I've even had the breath taken out of me, which meant lung cancer.  Oddly enough, I don't mind feeling those sorts of things.  I figure it's just one way of helping the spirits I encounter to find closure.  

3.  I can feel the emotions and physical pain of all types of animals.  This is the hardest thing for me to experience.  When I see a dog in a car.  When I pass an animal on the side walk.  Or when I visit the zoo.  These are all instances that I will be faced with feeling the emotions of the animals.  Zoos and animal shelters are by far the worst, but it can be equally heart wrenching to just pass a dog on the street.  During each encounter I feel their full range of emotions.  They will look me right in the eyes and I can also receive an overall message that they are trying to convey.  Then I will begin to feel any pain or discomfort they are in.  The emotions of zoo animals are so heartbreaking that I avoid zoos at all costs.  I simply am not strong enough for that.  What do these animals feel?  They feel everything.  Sadness, heartbreak, despair.  They feel happiness, joy, and overwhelming amounts of love.  Zoo animals mostly feel anxiety, pure despair, and listlessness.  And anger.  One of the hardest things is being forced to walk away from an animal knowing that their human won't do anything to help them.  I have said something on numerous occasions, some even to paying clients, where I explain what the dog is saying and feeling.  I can tell you that almost every single person treated me like a liar and they never did anything to help their animal out or to ease their pain.  It is infuriating.  Another difficult thing is knowing when my own animals are in pain.  How do you explain to the Vet that your cat is in pain and when they ask you how you know you have no real answer other than "I can feel it."  It's not an easy thing to explain!

As I'm sure you can understand, my empathic abilities aren't something I openly admit to people in every day life.  It's not an easily understood thing.  I mean, how would you feel if I put my hand on your arm and said "I can feel that you're depressed and nauseous and really tired."  Or tell you that your dog told me he is having a lot of pain because you won't stop feeding him lunch meat and he feels very frustrated with you.  No one wants to truly hear those things, and if I do voice those things, most people will assume I'm on the fast track to crazy town.  

Aside from the fact that I have to normally hide that side of myself and the general discomfort and anxiety I can feel at any given time, I really don't mind being an empath all that much.  It's been a part of who I am for so long that I'm mostly used to it.  I know what places to avoid and how to protect myself from becoming too overwhelmed.  And I have learned to not really care when people think I'm a tad odd.  It's all part of owning up to all the bizarre and unexplained things that exist within my universe.  And my universe definitely likes to keep things interesting.  Like all the time...


Thank you for reading my blog.