Sunday, January 17, 2016

My Neighbor Spirit

I live in a duplex, and currently, the other half of our home is vacant.  Well, sort of.  Our neighbors moved out abruptly in December and for a few days things were quiet and calm.  Then along came this frustrating spirit that refuses to leave.  He started off just making noises every now and then.  I'd here a bang on occasion, a man's voice talking a few times a day, and when I would walk by the windows I could see his face staring back at me.

I didn't like him.  Not one bit.

There was something that made me feel uneasy about this spirit.  He was incredibly strong for an earthbound soul.  He was powerful enough to make a tremendous amount of noise and was bold enough to show himself to me daily.  He became restless in a very short amount of time and he made enough noise that my husband would hear and actually react to the loud bangs.  We both would hear him talking (yelling, really) when standing outside of the house, which would send my husband pacing around the perimeter of the home trying to pinpoint where this guy was.

A few people have been viewing the house next door and every time someone goes in there it seems to enrage this man.  So much so that he comes into my house and bothers me.  I've woken up three times to him kneeling over me while I am trying to sleep.  The last time he startled me so bad that I started screaming at him to get away from me and get out of my house.  Luckily, he went back next door, but unfortunately, I woke the whole house up that night.  My oldest cat saw him, hissed until he left, and then laid on top of me the rest of the night in a protective way.  When my animals start reacting I know a spirit has a lot of powerful energy.

Frankly, he scares me a bit.  I've experienced spirits like this before.  Most of them were in known haunted places (ahem, Waverly Hills) but there was one memorable guy that lived in my house in KY that frightened me.  He was the guy that physically pushed my dog and me down the stares.  Luckily, when I had to face that ghost, I had a wonderful friend in town that was able to help me cross him over.  This time around, I don't have that kind of help.  I'm worried about when someone moves in next door because he will cause problems there AND in my house.  I've been working up the courage to face him and cross him over completely.  It's just taking some time for me to find the bravery and strength to do so.  While I may have a lot of knowledge on dealing with spirits, I don't have all the answers.  I rarely get frightened by spirits, even the gruesome ones!  But every now and then, I get freaked out and intimidated.  I like to look at those times as a chance to learn and grow a bit.  I also am glad that I'm able to know my limits and capabilities and know when to say "I need help with this!"  It may come to that when I finally try to pass this neighbor guy over.  Help is ok.  In fact, it's welcomed.

Seeing the dead is an emotional roller coaster.  Most of the time it's a joyful and awe inspiring experience.  But every now and then it can feel like someone punched me in the stomach and then screamed "Boo!"  It can be startling and even painful.  Regardless of the emotions each encounter stirs up inside me, I always feel incredibly grateful for this gift.  It's not something I take for granted; scary experiences and all.   I will definitely have to maintain that perspective as I face my neighbor man soon.  Fingers crossed it goes smoothly!

Thank you for reading my blog.

Monday, January 4, 2016

Searching For Meaning In This Crazy World

I'm just going to say it.  Life is hard.  Like really, super, incredibly hard.  First we have to survive our pre-teen/teenage years, which is no picnic, let me tell you.  Then you have to decide what to do with your life.  For some people, that's an easy task.  For me?  Yeah, not so much.  After being forced to make that huge decision, we are forced to start adulting; as in, living in the real world with real grown up problems.  You go through relationships, maybe a marriage (or five, depending on who you are), have kids, watch people die, experience tragedies that you never even thought existed, and then eventually are faced with your own demise.  Not to get all morbid on you, but that's what we all have to face as we age.  Who would enjoy that?  Maybe a sadist, but not me.

I survived the teen years, am still on my first marriage, have one child, and am slowly starting to make my dreams become a reality (there's still so much that I want to do!).  I've experienced a lot of loss in my short 31 years of life (including people I was extremely close to).  I've even had my own spiritual awakening which has helped me in every way possible.  I have been sitting pretty for the most part.  I feel very lucky in that regard.  Despite all that, melancholy can kick in at any time.  Life has a way of exposing some really dark and depressing things and will burst any little bubble I was floating around in.  It's so unfair.

Living in Germany has allowed me to see my home country as an outsider.  I have been given this incredible chance to see my country and culture from an outsider's perspective.  Boy is it ugly.  Some of it is humorous like how Europeans think Americans are very loud, rude, and dress poorly.  I sort of dig that, because it's sort of true in an endearing way.  But I'm also seeing how messed up our government is, how appalling the food regulations are, and how VIOLENT the U.S. is.  So much so that I don't ever want to go back.  And you'd be surprised to know that a lot of other Americans living overseas feel the same.  The U.S. is a scary place to an outsider; even one who grew up there.  I've lost a lot of love for America which depresses the heck out of me.

But my disillusionment of the United States isn't all that makes my heart hurt.  It's the sheer ugliness in the world as a whole.  So many people die daily.  And I'm not talking about cancer or old age.  I'm talking violent and horrific deaths.  People are raped, murdered, enslaved, tortured, you name it, each and every day.  To think about people (children especially) often being forced to die feeling such an enormous amount of terror beforehand rips my heart in two.  And don't even get me started on animals!!  These harsh truths make me angry, depressed, and I lose hope.  I question so many things when I allow myself to descent into such a dark hole; a hole no one should really delve in to.

I question why we are even on earth in the first place.  I question god, my spirituality, and life in general.  Why do we have to experience such horrors and hate and unhappiness?  Does anyone really deserve to experience such atrocities?  It's infuriating and confusing!

I am always looking for those answers and for the true meaning of life.  I am starting to accept the fact that I will never have all the answers.  None of us will.  Life is full of ugliness.  But it's also full of a tremendous amount of beauty.  So much so, that it can often move me to tears without even trying.  Even in my most darkest days, I am able to crawl out of my dreary attitude and acknowledge that part of living IS dying.  With happiness comes unhappiness.  The entire living experience will have its fair share of emotions ranging from pure joy to absolute terror.  Some of us are lucky enough to not experience horrifying things, but even if we do, it's sort of what life entails in a sick twisted way.  We don't get to choose, unfortunately.  I've come to terms with the fact that while I can't choose some things, I CAN choose to live life focusing on the negatives that life has to offer OR  I can have faith.  Faith that there is a purpose to all of this craziness.  Faith that with the bad will come the good.  The really good.  I have to have faith that everything will work out in the end.

The funny thing is, I've seen glimpses into the afterlife.  I have SEEN what lies ahead for all of us.  Even with such proof, I am prone to question things.  I guess it's all just part of the process of living as an imperfect human being.

Thank you for reading my blog.